Ask The Council

What is the Purpose of a Decades-long Strained Relationship with a Twin Brother?

This post is a response to a question for The Council from Margot about a strained relationship she has with her twin brother. Margot says her question was inspired by a post on our blog that answers questions from a reader named Joe about a strained relationship with his children. On June 18, 2012 we did a session with non-physical spirit guides, The Council, to get their perspective on Margot’s question.

Margot’s Question

Margot’s question suggests she and her twin brother are 70+ years old and they’ve had a strained relationship most of their lives. She asks, “What is the purpose of both of us being from the same womb, sharing that very intimate space for so long, and living as ‘twin’ brother and sister only to live two very different emotional, physical and spiritual lives?”

Margot says she knows that The Council says in our post on Joe’s question that the purpose of all relationships is to bring the love we are as spirit into physical reality, but this guidance “just seems too vaporous and vague” for her to apply in a practical way to her relationship with her brother and she’d like additional input from The Council on this.

My Other Half

In the first part of Margot’s question she describes her twin brother as “my other half,” and The Council quickly offered the following comment:

Isn’t it interesting that someone would think that just by being a twin, the other one is their other half, and they are not whole and truly all that they need to be?

—The Council
(Similarly formatted text throughout the post represents The Council’s comments during the session. Text [in brackets] was not spoken by The Council, but has been added to make it easier to follow the conversation.)

The belief we are completed by another person is a popular one and probably occurs most often in romantic relationships. The Council’s initial comment seems like a suggestion to Margot to look more within herself for her other half rather than her twin brother.

We Are Opposites

In response to Margo’s comment that she and her twin brother are opposites in most everything in their lives, The Council commented, “We would hope so.” I (Bob) was a little surprised by this comment and asked The Council to elaborate. They replied:

Well we see what is going on in this question.

Because one shares a womb – [chuckling] we consider it the little elevator on the way into your reality – that does not mean that you must be identical in your emotions, in your personality, or even how you look.

It is [that] you have decided to come in with another soul that you know from many, many lifetimes to share a family, and yet there is nowhere in there where you must be exactly alike.

And yes we know there are parents that will dress the twins so everyone knows they are twins. And then there are others that look exactly alike, but you are still your own spirit. You are an individual.

And so why is it okay for two siblings that are a year or maybe two years [apart] to fight, or not like each other, or even love each other very much, and that is okay? But because you have decided to come in at the exact same time and to spend the development phase of your body in the same womb, why should it be any different?

Why should you [and your twin] be one soul? You are not one. You are individual. And even when you leave this reality and you come back [to spirit] where we all are one, you are still an individual. The part of you with all the memory and all the experiences still exists.

And so they [the twins] have shared this space, and now they are who they have decided to be. They will create experiences in their lifetime…they will handle it differently…they will make different choices. And so we wonder why this is so hard for many to understand?

The Council seems to be emphasizing here that despite some popular notions that twins are like two people with the same soul, from The Council’s perspective this is far from the case.

Womb as Elevator from Spirit

I enjoyed The Council’s reference to the womb as the little elevator that brings us into this reality and I asked if they would elaborate. They replied:

There are quite a few old movies where [Council chuckling] when a person dies and they are being judged or they are in the so-called waiting room [laughing], you are told what elevator to go in…whether to go up or to go down. And so there is the picture of the elevator that also brings you into this life, or does the elevator get stuck along the way and return you to spirit?

As The Council described this I remember having an amusing image in my head of exiting the womb as a newborn through elevator doors that opened onto the physical reality floor of existence.

In Spirit We are All One, and Yet Still Individual

In addition to the elevator metaphor, we were interested in The Council’s comment that when we leave physical reality and return to a reality where we experience ourselves as one with all spirit, we are still able to experience our individuality and we still have access to all the memories of our physical reality experiences.

If you’re wondering what’s so special about remembering physical reality experiences you think you’d rather forget when you return to spirit, it seems worth mentioning that (according to The Council) all physical experiences, even painful ones, inspire a joyous spiritual expansion, which is why we as spirit are attracted to physical reality in the first place.

This idea that unpleasant physical experiences are a basis for joyous spiritual experiences can be difficult to appreciate, particularly if we’re in the middle of one of these unpleasant and challenging experiences in our physical reality. It’s a subject we’re very interested in and we expect to have more discussions with The Council on it and more posts. Until then the following two previous posts from our blog discuss this idea in a little more detail and may help your understanding of it.

1. Before We are Born, Do We Plan Challenging Human Relationships To Advance Our Spiritual Expansion? (Joe’s question)
2. What is Karma and How Does it Work?

Our session on Margot’s question about her twin brother isn’t the first time The Council has mentioned this idea of individuality within the oneness of spirit, but it may be the first time it’s come up in one of our blog posts. This also seems like an important topic, particularly for people who believe they must sacrifice their individuality in order to truly experience themselves as a spiritual being who is unified with all other spiritual beings. We’d also like to do more sessions and posts on this idea in the future.

Defining Success in Your Relationship

Margot comments that there seemed to be some forward movement in their relationship recently after she contacted her brother when he seemed to be pulling further away. Margot adds, “It strikes me that even if I’m ‘successful’ in getting him to meet and talk with me…,” and at this point The Council interjected:

And what is this success? What would this success feel like? To have [your brother] meet and talk with you and then decide to keep the relationship close? Is that success?

Or to have him begin to think like you, and handle situations in his life like you? Is that success?

Or is success loving this person for whoever he is, allowing him to be whoever he is, holding him in thoughts of light and allowing him to just be? So what does the success look like to [Margot]?

There are many different ideas about what constitutes success in a relationship. The Council’s advises for Margot is that the more she is able to unconditionally appreciate her brother for who he is and not who she wants him to be or thinks he should be, the more successful their relationship will be.

I Tried

When I (Bob) speculated to The Council that success for Margot might simply mean getting together in person with her twin brother, The Council replied:

And what would be the state of this if he agreed to meet and they do not get along? They do not think the same. They do not want the same things. Is it still successful or is it the thought: I tried and it didn’t work?

The Council seems to be cautioning Margot against prematurely pushing for a meeting with her brother in order to relieve anxiety she may be feeling that she’s not trying hard enough to make the relationship work.

Beliefs Influence Outcomes

I reread to The Council the part of Margot’s question I had just read, but hadn’t quite finished: “It strikes me that even if I’m ‘successful’ in getting him to meet and talk with me, I really will never get to ‘know’ who he is in this lifetime.” The Council replied:

And so the belief is already there. And so we can promise you because that belief is there and it is so strong, that they will meet and she will walk away from this saying, “I just don’t know who he is.”

Increasingly in our sessions with The Council they emphasize the importance of our beliefs in determining the reality we experience. They say a heart-felt belief is like a vibrational magnet that attracts to us experiences that feel similar to the feeling of the beliefs we hold.

And so the more Margot is willing to believe she will never get to know who her brother is in this lifetime, the more likely she is to experience this. The process of becoming aware of our beliefs and learning how to transform the unproductive ones into more productive beliefs is a subject we are very interested in and hope to write about it in future posts.

What is the Purpose?

It is at this point in Margot’s question that she asks: “What is the purpose of both of us being from the same womb, sharing that very intimate space for so long and living as ‘twin’ brother and sister only to live two very different emotional, physical and spiritual lives?” The Council replies:

The intention was to come in together because there is great love there, and to share the same family dynamic…to be raised exactly the same in the same environment and to go separate ways to experience separate challenges…and to each expand by their experiences and bring that expansion back into non-physical [reality].

And so they wanted to be together in this lifetime in this family, and they both had the desire to experience exactly what this family would offer them as they went into adulthood. And so they both had the benefit of loving each other and experiencing this family.

And what did they learn? If [they] are questioned, she will [have] learned things very, very different than what he learned. And then they go off into their lifetimes and have these experiences.

Love Will Always Bring You Back Together

Now as we see it, later on in this lifetime there will be a coming together again. And so you must allow each other to live and experience what [you] need to experience. And as we always say, hold each other in the light. Love will always bring you back together. And if it is not here, it will be in spirit, but we do see a coming together in this lifetime.

The Council says that from a spiritual point of view it is Margot and her brother’s intention to experience their adult lives very differently from each other, and the more accepting Margot is of her brother’s choices whatever they are, the more attracted he will be to the closer relationship Margot desires.

Relationships as Opportunities to Bring Love into Physical Reality

As we mentioned in the beginning of this post, Margot indicates in her question she’s familiar with The Council’s guidance that the purpose of relationships is to serve as opportunities to bring the love we are in spirit into physical reality. Margot acknowledges this as a theme in her emerging relationship with her twin brother, but she adds, “…that just seems to vaporous and vague when it comes to thinking of something that could have moved very differently over these past 70 plus years.”

Vaporous and Vague

Vaporous and vague sounds like a good description of how most of us experience the part of ourselves who is an eternal spiritual being, particularly if we’re not used to feeling this connection. It’s our experience that with practice and patience it is possible to have a more tangible and grounded experience of who you are as a spiritual being. The more attention you give to this aspect of yourself, whether through meditation, contemplation, prayer, or other practices with a similar intention, the easier it becomes to experience yourself as a spiritual being in a physical body.

The Council reminds Margot:

You have forgotten that with every relationship you plan before you enter into the physical, your plan was always to bring love into every relationship. You have forgotten who you are and who your brother is, and who all souls are. We are pure love.

Rather than feeling disappointed by a vaporous and vague feeling about The Council’s guidance, perhaps it is possible to think of these feelings as a subtle but encouraging indication and reminder of your connection to who you are as a spiritual being — a connection that strengthens with your attention to it.

In Conclusion

And so as she reaches out as many times as she feels is comfortable…reach out…send [your] brother love…but remember…just allow him to be who he is. When he feels the allowing and the acceptance of who he is, things must turn around.

The Council encourages Margot to reach out with love to her brother as often as this feels comfortable to her; they re-emphasize the importance for Margot to allow her brother to be who he is; and they remind Margot her feeling acceptance and allowing for her brother is what’s needed to ease the strain in their relationship so a reconciliation can eventually occur.

As most of us have experienced, strained relationships are often part of our physical experience. The Council’s guidance for Margot to find ways to appreciate and love her brother for who he is and allow him to be the way he wants to be rather than who she thinks he should be, is one of The Council’s fundamental teachings and we believe it is good advice for everyone, not just Margot.

August 23, 2012 - Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Beliefs, Love, Questions & Answers, Relationships | Relationships, Spiritual Expansion, Twins, Womb