Ask The Council

Finding Clarity in Unplanned Pregnancies

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named L.

L: Hello again, Bob & Cynthia. You were kind enough to ask for clarity for me a couple of years ago when I became pregnant unexpectedly. It was a tough time, and I lost the baby at the end of the first trimester. I could not go through with a termination, and offered to the spirit [of the fetus] that I would leave it to them to stay with me, or go. Our world was a little rocky, and the babe left.

I now find myself unexpectedly pregnant again at 42 years old. Again, my husband is not happy. I am shocked, but less so than before. Our relationship was already in conflict, and this is pushing the limits of mutual disrespect and fighting. I don’t feel as rejected as my last pregnancy with him, but I definitely don’t feel embraced.

I would love some clarity from The Council regarding this pregnancy and the way forward. Part of me hoped that we could make this pregnancy work, and bring us closer together, and [create] more harmony, but it has not. At 10 weeks pregnant, we can barely be civil to each other.

Council: We find that many people in your reality have the thought that bringing a new soul into this existence will solve one or many of these problems. Part of why this happens is to show you that nothing will change until you look at yourself, and what you are part of in this relationship, and why there is so much turmoil.

And so we ask you, what work have you done to look at this relationship? We’re sure that [with] what you’ve created in your reality, you are not all of a sudden aware that, “Oh, we’re having problems in this marriage, and whoops, we’re pregnant.” We feel that there have been things that needed to be looked at and talked about, which would change the relationship. And so, when there is another child, you are in a much better place.

And so we would say, it is your responsibility as a parent to try, always to try, to give your children a loving atmosphere. Love is #1. To give them education. To give them good character. And so, in your relationship, as it is, do you see this as possible?

And so then, when you decide if it’s possible or not, and things are always possible, but both parties must work on this. If it is possible, then you begin to behave, handle, and solve things differently. If it is not possible, then it is your place to decide: Do I bring this child into this atmosphere? Or wanting the child, [do I] change the atmosphere, leave the relationship, or get spiritual or mental help? Whatever you feel is needed that will take you through the steps in a healthy relationship.

And so we ask you, before you make a decision on what to do, really spend a lot of time on whether you want this child. If you don’t want this child, if you want this relationship to work, you really, really work on it, and not just be angry with each other.

L: I’m not in a position to be a single mother of three; however, I’m so sad at what our relationship has become for myself and our children.

Council: And so we ask here, you’re saying a mother of three. So you already have two children in this relationship. It just didn’t automatically happen. You have both created this so you can work on it and learn from it, learn about yourselves, and learn how to care for other people – your children.

One of the lessons in this is, there are already children involved. Now you wanted to learn [about] your responsibility, and how much you want to give them. And how much you want them to experience and learn in this relationship, so that when they go forward, and they are older, they would make choices, and they would have memories of what has gone on now.

So because it has been going on for such a long time, two children are already in this relationship that is unsettled, and now there may be a third. Again we ask you – you brought this in – the lesson was to learn about yourself and how to care for, not only the children, but each other. It is a lesson from other lifetimes, and it’s about caring.

And so we ask you to take your time, and to go into this, and truly do the work.

L: I’m looking for the light, as I feel at times so lost being pregnant at my age, and in an unhappy marriage with two young children.

Council: So again, because the lesson here was how you treat others, imagine how your children are feeling in this unhealthy situation. Do you want to change it for them? Or do you simply want to walk away and still change it for them, and then make it better for them on your own? Those are your choices. Or you continue as it is until you realize what must be done.

L: Any guidance would be appreciated. I wish for a happy, peaceful life with my family, and good health. Thank you, L.

Council: And so we would say at this point, sit down with yourself, with your thoughts, and say, “What is necessary to change this? What can I do on my end to make this better?” And concentrate on yourself. If you begin to work on yourself, your husband must do the same. He will see the choices you are making. He will see how you are responding. And so it would be the little domino effect. And then you will work on yourself, your husband will work on himself, and the children will see how different the relationship can be. You can change any situation you are in. And how to always use love as the answer, and treat each other with kindness.

And who knows? Maybe tonight you’ll dream of us. And of course, we have to add, you can see us every night, you can talk to us every night, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to remember. But what we teach you, what you need to know is within you, and when you need that information, you will remember.

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Listen to the entire 9-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for L and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

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October 30, 2025 - Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Audio Content, Love, Marriage, Other Lifetimes, Pregnancy, Questions & Answers, Relationships | Caring, Child, Choices, Conflict, Lesson, Responsibility