Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

Getting Over Attracting an Abusive Relationship

This post answers questions from a reader named, Kristina, who recently broke up with her abusive ex-partner of two years, but she still maintains contact with him because she felt he was the love of her life.

The Council says it’s wonderful to leave an abusive relationship because it hurts you physically and/or emotionally. And The Council asks why you would keep in contact with this abusive person. You say it’s because you feel there was a great love there, but The Council emphasized that love is not abusive.

At this point The Council feels having something to do with this person is an excuse because you think there’s love there. You’re in a place where the relationship is familiar and you believe it will change. And yet the part of your spirit that doesn’t need to experience abusiveness is telling you it’s time to end this relationship.

What have you learned from being abused? There isn’t any love in abuse. Love is supportive. Love is compassionate. Love is understanding. The choice is yours, but why would you want to connect with someone abusive? If you think about it, the part of you that wants to experience something better has already left this relationship.

Kristina says this man walked away leaving her heartbroken and her pain and anxiety is through the roof. The Council says anxiety will come from being abused. This relationship took away your power. You were smart to get out.

Kristina says she can’t understand how she attracted this abusive man into her life when she was never in an abusive relationship before. The Council says this abuse is a lesson you wanted in spirit to experience; to feel it, to grow from it, and know this isn’t the kind of energy you’re here to bring in.

When you put a stop to this abuse and you give yourself time to recover, you can think of the kind of relationship you want. With these thoughts you can bring a loving relationship into this reality. And as more and more people bring love into this reality it affects everyone on the planet. This is your purpose. There is no reason to stay with the hurt of this abuse. Think about what you’ve learned from this relationship and what you’ll create? And The Council says stay with positive thoughts.

Kristina asks how she can get over the deep pain she’s experiencing. And The Council says by knowing this abusive relationship was pre-planned in spirit between your soul and the soul of your abuser. On a soul level this man is wonderful. He’s come into this reality and played “the bad guy” so you can learn from this experience. Now you can let go of this abuse. Change your vibration with your thoughts and find the power within you. Abuse takes away your dignity and your good thoughts about yourself. Many who are abused blame themselves instead of the abuser.

Read past life books by Robert Schwartz and you’ll learn about abuse and why you asked for it in your life. Know that you broke off this abusive vibration and are no longer in it. You don’t need an excuse to remain in this vibration. Go with positive thoughts. Thank the spirit of this abusive man for playing his part. Think about what happened and how you can help others who experience abuse who come into your life. Work on the issue of deserving better. Meditate and pray on this.

Love this soul that helped you learn about abuse and thank him for what went on. Understand this was an experience and it wasn’t supposed to permanently take love away from your life. Your wanted to go through this to find the strength to look at the abuse, learn from it, and then become the strong soul that you are. Find the love within you. The abuse was only to take you to a place where you find your power. You find your knowledge that you have choices and you can create what you want with these choices.

Listen to the audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Kristina and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel.

If you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.

June 20, 2019 - Posted by | Audio Content, Channeling, Life Purpose, Love, Other Realities, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Soul, Spirit | , , , ,


  1. Very interesting question, Jane. We look forward to doing a session with The Council on it and publishing a post as soon as it’s ready.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 5, 2019

  2. Dear Cynthia, Bob, and The Council,
    Thank you for sharing this information with us.

    I have a question about pre-planned relationships versus creating our own reality. Can you please help me understand how it’s possible to create our own reality and have a pre-planned relationship at the same time, a relationship that we have not attracted with our thoughts? Doesn’t this counteract the idea that we create our own reality?

    I was in an abusive relationship which ended more than seven years ago, but I still don’t feel like I have moved on with my life. I don’t understand why I’m having such a hard time getting past it. I can understand and forgive the abuse, and I can understand and forgive myself for taking it at the time, but I’m having a very hard time accepting the way I acted in that relationship. It was so out of character for me and I feel like I wasn’t myself at all when I was with that person.

    It felt almost as if I was being mind controlled, for lack of a better word. When I was with that person, I didn’t feel that I was acting like myself at all. I want to forgive myself for staying in that relationship for as long as I did and move on with my life, but I also want to understand why I was compelled to stay in it when I knew that this wasn’t the right person for me. I never confused abuse with love, but for some reason I couldn’t make myself get out of this abusive relationship until the other person let me go.

    I’m having a really hard time understanding what happened there and why I’ve been having such a hard moving on with my life.

    I guess my question is, if this relationship was pre-planned, then what creative power did I have over my life at that point? Could I have thought more positive thoughts and not have attracted this relationship? Or would I have been forced into it no matter what thoughts I was thinking?

    I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we create our own reality, yet at the same time most of our life is already pre-planned (or at least the most important parts are, like our relationships).

    I’ve wanted a loving relationship for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never experienced anything even close to it in real life. I want to understand if being on my own is something I have created (and keep creating) with my thoughts or if I was meant to be on my own until now and there’s nothing I could have done to change it?

    I do feel like things are shifting for me. And I don’t think that I would have this dream if it wasn’t possible for me to create the relationship I want. I would like to ask The Council if I’m on the right track to create the kind of relationship I want or if there’s something else I need to work on? I do feel that I still have some unresolved feelings from my past relationship that are holding me back and I would appreciate any advice you can give me on how to leave it behind me and move on with my life.

    I’m sorry for the long post. I hope this wasn’t too confusing. I would appreciate any advice you can give me.
    Thank you for your help!


    Comment by Jane | July 29, 2019

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