What About My Relationship with an Annoying Friend?
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Amy, who has a friend she finds draining and borderline toxic. This friend doesn’t seem to be aware of my time or feelings. She’s upset when I don’t visit her every time she calls. She talks about herself nonstop. And she doesn’t respond when I mention something about myself.
The Council imagines Amy feels like this is a question about making boundaries, but it’s not just boundaries. It’s about you experiencing a past life with this person where they were a very strict parent that punished you a lot. You were brought up almost like a slave to do whatever your parents wanted.
In your current lifetime you wanted to experience this very annoying behavior so you could learn to speak up and work through it. Have you told this person how their behavior affects you? How you don’t have the time to always be there for them? Have you said no when this person asked for your help? When it becomes too much, when you’re drained and your energy field gets pulled out of you by this other person, there’s really nothing you can do to stop it. But you can make yourself unavailable. And besides that, you must speak up. This is what you wanted for your current life.
You don’t need to help this person with everything that comes up. If you’re embarrassed or annoyed you have to stop what this person is doing when they’re doing it. You need to bring this behavior to their attention. If they laugh it off or complain, you can say this is how I feel. This is annoying. I have other things to do and I’d appreciate it if you stopped. Remember you’re not in control of how the other person handles your request, but you can still withdraw from them when this stuff is going on.
We recommend using the chakra breathing meditation to balance and align your chakras, particularly your throat chakra. This will help you get over the fear of saying what you want because in this previous life you weren’t able to do that. In your current life you can do this because you’ve created you’re life differently this time.
This person is being the way they are because they’ve agreed to help you learn how to speak up. In their human reality this person might not remember this, but their higher self knows they’re going to drive you crazy until you speak up. And when you let this person know how annoying they are, you can teach them to be gentler and more understanding because this is what you agreed to.
Amy says she finds this person so selfish and exhausting. I don’t mind being this type of friend to people, but this particular person is under my skin like no one else. The Council says your higher self knows what you want to do. You’ll get more and more annoyed, crazy, and frustrated, then hope this will just go away, but that isn’t how you set this up.
Amy says she’s trying to draw boundaries, which has been difficult for her in the past, but this doesn’t seem to last. I don’t want to yell or hurt this person’s feelings. The Council says you don’t have to yell or hurt their feelings, but you do need to speak the truth. This is annoying. This is draining. You hurt my feelings when you criticize me in front of other people. You are speaking the truth and that’s a wonderful thing. Are you brave enough to do this?
Amy says as she continues to raise her vibration this person might just vibrate out of her life altogether. The Council says she’s not going to vibrate out of your life until you learn your lesson and speak up for yourself. Your lesson is in front of you big time, and you can change this by speaking up.
Listen to what we’ve said about setting boundaries and more importantly, about speaking up for yourself. Then this person might just disappear out of your life because she’ll have to find someone else that will put up with her behavior until she learns (and maybe from you) that it’s not polite to behave this way to people.
Look how all these people are banging their heads against the wall because they’re not getting what they came here to learn. Life happens and you concentrate on things in a different way than when you planned it in spirit. You’re not seeing what’s truly going on. Just remember we’re here to bring love into each experience by showing kindness and empathy to people and try to understand what they’re going through, even if they annoy the heck out of you. When you understand these people are also spirit that has baggage and hard lessons, you also understand you agreed to help these people. And these people are here because they’re helping you, even if you don’t get it yet. It’ll all turn out good in the end. All is well.
Listen to the entire audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all the guidance for Amy and the rest of us, or ask The Council your own question.
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Welcome
Bob & Cynthia
Welcome to Ask The Council, a blog where you can ask a group of loving and wise spirit guides a question and get an answer, for free. You can also contact us for a paid private phone session with The Council, and you can read the questions other readers have asked and the answers they’ve received. Other posts contain quotations from The Council that we hope you find inspiring, uplifting, and educational.
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If there’s a question you’ve been thinking about and you’re curious how The Council might answer it, we encourage you to either use the blog’s Comments feature to ask your question, or contact us for a private phone session. You can click here to go to the ‘Let us know what you think about this post, or ask The Council a question’ section of this Welcome post and type your question there or you can type your question in the same section at the bottom of any post that inspires you to ask a question or leave a comment.
Since the blog is currently a project we do in our spare time it can take a while for us to do a session with The Council on a question and then publish a post on the session. Depending on the question and the session it can sometimes take weeks after a question is asked to publish a post with The Council’s answer. Please be patient.
The Council
Cynthia is able to communicate with a group of five non-physical spirit guides in a manner similar to the way Esther Hicks communicates with and speaks for the spirit guides, Abraham, and Jane Roberts communicated and spoke for the spirit guide, Seth. I (Bob) basically interview The Council as they speak through Cynthia during what we refer to as a session. Sessions generally last 5-15 minutes and are usually audio recorded. During the session Cynthia is aware of what The Council is saying and she also receives visual impressions and other types of telepathic communication from them.
The Council’s Basic Guidance
Since we began these sessions with The Council around 2009 they consistently emphasize a few basic ideas that we attempt to summarize here:
1) You are an eternal spiritual being in a physical body.
You are the energy and vibration of continuously expanding love, intelligence, and joy.
Your physical experience in your physical body and your psychological experience of your personality is a small part of the totality of who you truly are.
Let yourself imagine from time to time what it might feel like to experience more of the wondrous totality of who you really are, and don’t be surprised if you are able to experience this more often.
2) You are the creator of all that you experience.
As you open to the possibility your true nature is greater than you ordinarily perceive, it becomes easier to consider the possibility that this expanded you is truly the creator of everything that you experience.
If you’re used to thinking of yourself in a more limited sense, the idea that you are the creator of your experience may be difficult to understand. Our post, What About This Idea That We Create Whatever We Desire, offers insights into this idea.
3) You are here to expand the love you are into physical reality.
You chose, as a spiritual being, to come into this physical reality to experience the joy of expanding the love you are as a spiritual being, into this physical reality. This is your purpose for being here.
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Bob & Cynthia
Ask The Council 
Thank you for your kind words, LilyDaisy. Much appreciated.
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Thank you for this! I was laughing as you described her behavior, things I hadn’t necessarily mentioned but you all saw in there and spoke about. It was nice to hear validation about how I feel, and to see the perspective where I don’t have to meet her needs before mine, or pretend to want to do something, or bend to please someone else. In this post what I need to do sounds like the easiest thing, but for me saying those words to her will be a big accomplishment! But I am up for it, I’m excited to see what’s on the other side, and the idea of being around the best version of this person in the future is also exciting! Thank you Bob, Cynthia, and The Council, I’ll let you know how it goes! Your help and information in my life must have been preplanned, as it’s been indescribably huge and powerful positive guidance! Thank you, thank you!
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