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How Can I Handle My Husband’s Secrecy And Lying?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Kristi, about her relationship with her husband.

Kristi: I am in what is turning into a dire situation, and I desperately need some help, clarity, and guidance. I have been married for 21 years, and have recently found out that my husband has been engaging in secretive behaviors that he’s been lying to me about. I found out he has been hiding and lying to me about these behaviors for most of our marriage, which that alone has completely destroyed me and the foundation of our relationship. During the past year, my gut has been telling me that he’s still lying to me, but he denies, denies, denies. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my intuition isn’t letting me move on.

Council: So you say here you want to give this person the benefit of the doubt, and yet you have no belief in what he’s saying. So right there is a block that is in the way for it to turn around and have any sort of door open to a conversation that would be of benefit. So do you truly want to talk about it? Do you truly want to believe it? Or do you truly want the proof that this is going on?

So we’d say this question is all about you, not what your husband is doing. This is about learning your feelings, learning to go with what you believe, and really searching for how you feel.

So the best way to start is by asking, What is it that you really want? Do you really want to stay in this? Or do you finally want the proof that this is going on and you can release yourself from this partnership? So that’s the first lesson in this.

Kristi: I still feel like he’s lying to me to keep me from leaving him.

Council: And that must be very unsettling and very unhappy.

Kristi: I’ve tried everything in order to get the full truth out on the table so we can confront it, heal it, learn from it, and move past it, but he just wants to sweep it under the rug and move on.

Council: Here there’s a fear of speaking about it, and there are lessons that he is going through that you don’t understand or need to know right now. So trying to get this out on the table to talk about will not work right now. That doesn’t mean it will never work, but it will not work right now. Are you okay with this? Is there enough forgiveness, is there enough love there for you to wait it out and see what happens?

While you’re waiting it out, you have to do the imagery work, the feeling work, to see it the way you want it to be. And you can not do this unless you search yourself and you find out, do you really want it to be, or do you really want a way out? And then do the imagery work.

Kristi: During the last year my self-esteem has eroded and I found myself suicidal for the first time in my life.

Council: So now we ask you…that is a very serious thought…suicide. Why would you want to end your life because of a problem in a marriage? Why would you want to ruin your life because your partner is doing things that you don’t understand, you don’t appreciate, or you don’t like? Is that what your spirit really wants? Do you think your higher self wants you to end this life? No. It wants you to figure it out. Figure out who you are. Figure out what you want. No one can take good feelings about yourself from you unless you let them.

If he is doing something that you don’t understand and you think it is horrible, why would you end your life, which you can create any other way you want, because of another person’s problem?

So this question that you are coming to us for an answer, isn’t about your husband, how to get him to do this, how to get him to do that. It’s about you. Your higher self is saying, find guidance and listen to the answers, and figure out who you are so you don’t end this reality prematurely. We hope that is understood.

Kristi: I’ve tried to find concrete proof of his behavior, but I’m coming up short.

Council: You know they say when you search hard enough for something, eventually you’ll find it. So instead of looking for concrete proof that your husband is lying to you, look for proof that he’s not lying to you. So if you want the marriage, look for proof that the objectionable behavior is not happening. Really look for signs. If you want a way out, then keep looking for proof that it is happening. Do you see here how you are in control? Your thoughts, your mind – what you look for, you will find. You will create it.

Kristi: I have a difficult time ending my 21-year marriage based on my gut feeling with no definitive proof.

Council: Yes, the proof has to come from who you are, who you find out you are, and what you really want.

Kristi: I’m really struggling. Why am I taking the word of a liar over my own intuition? He has been gaslighting me for over a year and I’m doubting myself now. I don’t want to break up our family, and I want to believe him, but I’m lost. I’m scared I’m going to make the wrong decision and have regrets. I do love him, but our relationship isn’t in a good place right now. I personally am not in a good place either because I feel frozen and unsure of myself.

Council: Find thoughts that make you feel good first. Before you decide anything in this relationship – if it’s memories, if it’s fantasies, if it’s scenes from a movie – find something to think of that makes you feel good. From that vibration you ask yourself, “What is it that I want?” The answer then will come and it will be very clear. And the feeling you get with the answer that you see will help you make the move. And if it’s truly what you want, your higher self will show you how to deal with this all along the way, how to see it, how to let go of it, how to have patience knowing this person has their own problems, and the suffering, and perhaps – and we say here, perhaps – the lying.

So we’d say, do the work. Take the challenge. You created this because you wanted to find clarity, because you wanted to know how to learn more about yourself, and how you wanted your life to go on, and how you’d be of help to this other person who desperately needs it. Or how to let that other person find another way to deal with it and you go your merry way.

This is all about you, all about what you want. So do the work to make yourself feel good. Stop thinking of ending your life and start having happy, wonderful thoughts, and then start seeing your future. How would I be if I were free going on? How would it be if I stayed and helped? Does it make me happy to be of service? Will this change? And yes, it will change, if you want it. So the question is all about you.

Kristi: We can’t keep going on like this. I’d like to ask The Council for any insight about this situation that they can provide. What lessons are in play here? And what’s the best way to handle this situation? I don’t know how to reach him, and I’m afraid too much damage has been done.

Council: How about thinking, “Oh, I do know how to reach him. It will come to me. There will be some sort of peace. We will be able to work on this. He will soften and talk to me. We’ll find a way to know what we have to do, and I will be of service, not only to him, but to us. And so we wish you well on this.

Kristi: Thank you for any insights you can give me. With many thanks, Kristi.

Council: And so we send you blessings, and happiness, and light, beautiful energy to carry you through your days. To meditate and pray, or have a few moments a day to have happy thoughts, and move forward in your life, knowing every single thing that you are experiencing, you have brought in to be of service, to learn from it, and to bring healing and love into your reality.

Listen to the entire 11-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Kristi and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

You can also ask The Council your own free question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages, and we’ll answer it when we have time.

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June 1, 2024 Posted by | Audio Content, Beliefs, Challenges, Channeling, Feelings, Forgiveness, Healing, Imagination, Love, Marriage, Questions & Answers, Relationships, You Create Your Reality | , , , , , | Leave a comment