Ask The Council

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Why Can’t I Fall Asleep When I’m With My Partner?

This post answers a question for The Council from a reader named, Jolanda, who says the first question I asked The Council was about my relationship with an abuser. On The Council’s and other people’s advice I ended the relationship three years ago and I’ve been so much happier. After doing a lot of self-development work, ten months ago I was blessed to find an amazing new partner. My problem is that ever since we’ve slept in the same bed together I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve never had this problem with another man.

The Council says what you’ve called into this lifetime with your current boyfriend is another abuser, but it was from a different lifetime with you and it’s a wonderful thing. When we look at how you planned your current life, it was to work on abuse. You experienced it with a different person and then called in your current partner, who you experienced abuse from in another lifetime, but you both decided to be in each other’s life to heal this abuse.

In this other lifetime in India you were twelve years old and part of a prince’s harem. Your partner in your current life was a man in charge of the women that belonged to the prince and he kept the women in line with physical and emotional abuse. You were terrified of this man. You were afraid to sleep and to be where he could see you because he abused you. At the end of that life he had you killed because he didn’t like you.

In your current life, if you feel uncomfortable around your partner when it’s time to sleep together, which is what you both planned in spirit, this feeling comes from that previous life in order to heal this abuse. The energies, memories, and thoughts from this previous life are still around you. If you create many years of fear in a past life and bring those feelings forward into your current life in order to heal them, you’ll find yourself being uncomfortable with your current partner and not knowing why. What you’ve carried forward is the fear of sleeping because when you slept in your past life you’d be dragged out of bed and beaten and sexually abused.

Jolanda says she’s tried many rituals to cleans herself and her partner before bed: sage, visualizations, prayer, protection, deep breathing, and having showers just before bed. The Council says this is wonderful, but what’s needed is the understanding of where this difficulty falling asleep is coming from. Jolanda says she used to worry this problem was a sign her partner wasn’t right for her, but he’s such a beautiful, loving, and kind man and we truly feel like soulmates and twin flames.

The Council asks Jolanda to look at how right the two of you are for each other. You have given your partner the chance to be in your life so he can change his behavior toward you. This is a wonderful gift. It will take time, but when you understand what you’ve both gone through and that you’ve both agreed to be in your current life to heal that abuse, this begins the healing and the sleep will come.

The Council wishes Jolanda good luck with the healing. Go into the experience and let go of the fear. This past life was a long time ago. Your current life is brand new. Heal this relationship.

The Council closes by saying they find it joyful to see how you set up your situation so that your boyfriend wouldn’t be afraid to sleep. It’s you who was afraid in that previous life and you who are afraid now. With this new understanding you can begin the healing.

Listen to the entire 9-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Jolanda and the rest of us and let us know what you feel about it, or ask your own question.

If you like this post, please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.

August 5, 2020 - Posted by | Agreement, Audio Content, Channeling, Healing, Other Lifetimes, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | , , ,


  1. Thanks for following, Wai. We hope you enjoy our blogs.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | February 4, 2021

  2. Following!

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Wai | February 4, 2021

  3. I am very happy and excited for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by lilydaisy | August 14, 2020

  4. Good luck, Jolanda. Keep seeing and feeling your happy home with someone who truly loves you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 10, 2020

  5. Hi, Jolanda. We can’t tell you how happy your comment makes us feel. We’re glad The Council’s answer speaks deeply to you. Keep seeing and feeling your situation the way you want it to be. Thanks for your appreciation. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 10, 2020

  6. It was actually 3 abusers, one after the other from the age of 18 till age 41, before I realised that I needed to be by myself (ie, stay well away from men!) and work hard on healing myself… In the hope that I could one day have a happy healthy life and relationship. I still have this dream, but it no longer seems like a ridiculous fantasy. I hope that it may actually be possible to have a happy and healthy, non-abusive relationship this time. And I also hope that it will be my last ❤ I don't want to keep having broken relationships. I just want to have a happy home and someone who truly loves and respects me. Wish me luck! and thanks for your comments 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by Jolanda | August 10, 2020

  7. Thank you! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by Jolanda | August 10, 2020

  8. Thank you so much Cynthia, Bob and the Council. As usual, you are amazing!!

    I read this reading and it took my breath away. Then a few minutes later, as I read it to a friend, my stomach began to churn and I had to stop drinking my tea and just breathe. Some uncomfortable feelings were coming up, just from reading this and talking about it.

    I immediately started praying for the healing of this problem and release of the old trauma and memories. 2 days later, my man came over to spend the night. I didn’t tell him anything, as i think it will upset him. But out of the blue he jokingly said “I’ll probably roll over and smother you tonight”, then laughed. I felt like this was him unknowingly confirming for me that he had attacked me in my sleep and had me killed in a previous life. So i laughed along with him and silently thanked the Council for showing me the truth!!

    i kept repeating my mantra as we were going to sleep “i am safe, he is safe, it’s safe to relax and go to sleep, i have nothing to fear”. And i actually had a pretty good sleep that night!

    I have actually asked a few psychics about this issue but none of the answers have really sat right with me like this one does (and none of their suggested solutions have worked either). Time will tell how this continues, but for now, i need to tell you that your answers to this question feel very genuine and authentic, and speak to the depths of my soul. And I want to thank you all again so much for this amazing service that you so generously offer the world. I am very grateful!! Much love, Jolanda

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Jolanda | August 10, 2020

  9. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by mariner2mother | August 6, 2020

  10. Hi, Susan. We’re also fascinated by The Councill’s information about the influence of past lives. We’ll be happy to answer your question about your brother when we have time and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for following. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 6, 2020

  11. Hi, Maria. We’ll be happy to ask The Council your first question when we have time and post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. After we post The Council’s response to your first question, if you still want an answer to your second question, please repost it in a new comment at that time. Or you have the option of paying for a private phone session with The Council where you can ask both questions if you have time. Instructions for a private phone session can be found on our Contact Us page. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 6, 2020

  12. We love that also, LilyDaisy.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | August 6, 2020

  13. Hi i would like to send in two questions/relationships.

    One is with my best friend named Carla. I see that she has been my mother in a pastlife when we were poor. I also know that we have a lot of soul contracts where she helps me find love. She has been very magnetic and radiant recently and in a committed relationship. I am deeply grateful of our relationship in this life and have been generous towards her but sometimes I feel tired or perhaps scared?? Her magnetism has been pulling me strongly recently like there’s too much energy. I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t dance much in the pandemic + lockdown in my country (we are both professional dancers). And have been focusing on writing instead both for monetary reasons and can’t help but feel but also to avoid her. I feel somehow guilty even though i understand that i feel complicated towards her.

    I have a very powerful mentor in game writing who is an excellent shaman. They are suffering horribly bouts of temporal lobe epilepsy and is physically disabled. I know that there are past life reasons i’ve seen our lives together in war where they have taken the brunt of violence and how their connection to spirit also physically wears them out. The thing is, the day i decided to focus more on games and subsequently support them more in terms of presence and attention by sharing the same field (game design, writing). Their physical symptoms have somehow lifted. I know we share a spiritual bond but i don’t know if this is Spirit Spirit explicitly asking me to follow and support them. I have been accomplishing great strides in my game design work, and am enjoying and discovering myself in ways that are completely unexpected. I guess I’m just worried about

    — how do i support my mentor in their physical-energetic health in the best way possible?
    — is there a larger plan behind the games that me and my mentor are making? is there a way that i can better key into it?

    I feel like I’m still grieving the part of me that’s a dancer and can’t dance but also healing my younger me that wanted so badly to be a writer. But i can’t help but also sense that there might be more things moving in the background. I believe in my mentor and trust them in this odd place and space of my growth.

    I appreciate any advice from the Council. Especially on what I need to remember right now.
    Thank you.


    Comment by Maria | August 6, 2020

  14. I’m always so fascinated to learn about when something going on in a person’s life is impacted by a past life.

    I’ve been told that I had a past life relationship with the man who is now my older brother (who bullied and abused me when we grew up together). Could you tell me about this past life relationship with my older brother that led to his being abusive toward me in this lifetime? Not too long ago I experienced a major healing shift that let me feel like our relationship is complete. Like I reached a goal my soul set up for me. Unfortunately, letting him go was more difficult than I ever expected and in the process, my sister-in-law showed her true colors and I’ve let her go too. Thanks for whatever enlightenment you can bring forth. -Susan

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by mariner2mother | August 5, 2020

  15. I love how she first healed herself, then created the opportunity to heal their relationship next!

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by lilydaisy | August 5, 2020

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