Why Do I Feel So Drawn to This Man?
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Angie, who asks: Why do I feel so drawn to this man? I’ve been married for almost 24 years. For the last 10 years I’ve experienced a lot of personal growth educationally, careerwise, and how I take care of myself, but I’ve always been focused on my husband. One of my goals was to go back and finish my college degree. When I finally decided to do this, I knew it was the right time. Several years before I graduated I learned that this company opened an innovation center near where I live. The moment I saw the office building I knew I was going to work there.
Council: So you’re very in tune with your feelings, and following them always keeps you on the right path.
Angie: In my last year in college I applied for a job only at this company and they hired me. I started in June 2016. In August 2017 my company sent me to Michigan where I was introduced to our Development Team. There was this one individual on the team I became curious about and I wanted to know more about him. He wasn’t on my project and I didn’t talk to him. His name is, Brent, and he had my attention. I went back home and didn’t think much about him. Later I’d hear co-workers talking about Brent and I was all ears and wanted to know what they had to say about him. Why would I want to know about someone who’s 1,400 miles away and that I didn’t have a conversation with?
Council: Because you’re very in tune with your feelings, but at the time you didn’t understand why you felt that way. Your strong feelings are just your higher self telling you that you know Brent. Why would you be so interested in this person? You never met him before. It’s the familiar feeling you have and all the joy you had together with Brent in other lifetimes.
Angie: I did contact Brent for work-related questions, but that was the extent of our conversations. In 2018 I was assigned to a project that Brent was also assigned to. I only worked with him temporarily, and when we spoke it was only about the project. After a while I was moved to another project, so I didn’t speak with Brent too much after that. By 2019 I decided to focus more on myself. My husband has this pattern of saying things to me that don’t feel good. Some of his actions weren’t so good either. I felt it was time to redirect my focus towards what I need to do for myself and not worry about my husband as much. I decided to plan more time with my friends and do things I enjoy.
Later that year I got to work with Brent again. We were able to work together more than last time, which let us talk more. We started to get to know each other and we clicked. We realized how much we had in common. I started to feel like Brent was special to me. I wanted to know more about him, and I just wanted to continue talking with him. Was it meant for us to be put in each other’s paths?
Council: This was pre-planned.
Angie: I definitely looked forward to talking to him every time I was at work. He had me laughing, and the feeling was something I hadn’t had in a long time. All I wanted was to be with him and I couldn’t understand why. I was so drawn to him. I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. As we were getting to know each other I noticed there were many parallels with our lives. We were just on different timelines, and then we eventually caught up to each other.
Now it’s 2022 and I’ve been trying to understand my connection with Brent and all the emotions that come with this. I try not to talk to him, try not to want to be near him, and I feel I’m being torn apart. I definitely felt it in the middle of my chest. It’s become a regular feeling, even when I’m trying to complete tasks for work.
Council: So feeling uncomfortable here only tells you that you had pre-planned together to come into each other’s life to support each other and make life happy, especially if one or both of you were having problems in your personal life. It was a feeling of: Let’s get together. We’ll enjoy the time we spend together and we’d bring joy into each other’s lives. That’s what you’re feeling. That’s what you wanted. Yet now you’re trying not to speak with Brent. It would give you disturbing feelings because you’re not following what you wanted.
Angie: How can someone have such an effect on another person when all they’ve done is talk through work or on the phone?
Council: In other lifetimes you and Brent were married quite a few times. You were cousins in one lifetime. In one lifetime Brent was your teacher. You and Brent have a lot of time together. Because you had a lot of fun and happiness in other lifetimes, you thought you’d pop into each other’s life this time.
Angie: I want to try and understand the purpose of our relationship and what it means to have Brent in my life.
Council: You brought Brent into your life just to experience joy and just to have a good time when you’re together. That’s all that’s really necessary if that’s what you pre-planned. It would be good for you to appreciate that. Appreciate all the times you get together. Just flow with this and see what you create from that.
Angie: I truly feel that Brent and I were meant to meet since I’ve now taken on a more spiritual path and I’m learning to be more present. If this is true, I just want to make sure I approach the situation appropriately and in the best way possible.
Council: It’s true that you did plan to meet. You planned to have a supportive relationship, to learn about each other, to help each other at work, and then personally. Just let this grow. That’s the way the two of you planned it, to come into each other’s life to see where you were at that time in your lives, and to take it from there. We say just enjoy this.
Bob: Angie doesn’t specifically ask about her relationship with her husband, but I’m wondering if you have any comments on that relationship.
Council: Not unless Angie asks. We’d say here for you, Bob, we answered the questions that Angie wrote, and even though you may be curious, or think Angie may want to know more, we’ll follow what she asks.
Listen to the entire 9-minute audio recording of our session with The Council to hear all their gidance for Angie and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it. You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.
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Hi, Angie. We’ll be happy to ask The Council your follow-up questions about your marriage when we have time and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your questions. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia
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Hello Cynthia, Bob, and the Council –
Thank you so much for your guidance, the work you do, and taking the time to answer my questions. I do have another part to what I would like to ask regarding my husband, Chris.
First, I felt that I needed to get clarification on my connection to Brent as that has been weighing heavily on my mind. A lot of what was said resonated with me and I was shown in several dreams that Brent was a teacher. But I really felt there was much more to us than that. For this reason, I was led to your site and saw that I was able to present a question to you and the Council. Is Brent aware of the kind of connection we have? If not, how can I help him understand? Again, your guidance is greatly appreciated!
Although my husband and I have remained married for almost 24 years, I have felt that we were not always aligned with each other. When I first felt this in the beginning of our marriage I had dismissed it as just needing the time to allow us to grow. Of course, as any marriage would experience, we had our ups and downs. But something was missing between us. I don’t think that we ever did connect on the level I wish to have in a marriage.
When Chris and I first met, I knew that if I had children with him, he would be a wonderful father to them. He has held up to this and has been an amazing provider and father to our two sons. Chris never hesitated on being there for them. He not only gave them what they needed but also did his best to give them what they wanted. He continues this support for them and being a loving dad to this day.
In between our downs, Chris and I have had many years that were good. But when I decided to go back to school, that was the most challenging time. It was challenging in a way that I had to balance out taking care of our two sons, focusing on my studies, and trying to have him understand that completing my degree was important to me and will bring success for the family. The extra challenge was how he seem upset with me for, what I felt, being focused on school. After all my hard work during a semester and taking my final exam one weekend, he accused me of being with someone else. It was the most hurtful thing to hear him say. There were other moments where I had to tell him that I will continue with reaching my goals with or without him.
After I graduated and had a full-time job lined up things smoothed out. He was happier and I thought I would be happier along-side him. Which I was happy for the next couple of years. By this time, both of our sons were attending college and I was paying for both their tuition and room & board. I was able to provide them financial support mostly because of not having a mortgage. Things were going good for all of us.
Chris and I decided to look into buying a new house. We attempted to buy one but it didn’t work out. I felt that it was not the right time. He kept pushing for us to make this purchase and try again. I still felt it was not the right time and I explained him that I’m paying quite a bit in tuition for our boys including my own expenses and tuition loans. I was not going to take on extra expenses that would come with a big purchase like that. Instead of receiving his understanding, he reacted with the threat of divorce – he did this one other time as well. This was the turning point for me to put my focus onto myself even more.
I’m left wondering if our coming together was to have our children and to provide for them up to the time they would begin to create their own lives. I know I’ve had a lot of personal growth and I’ve noticed that Chris seems to be in his same place and not moving towards his goals as much. This has made it feel that we’re growing apart. Has our marriage run its course? I feel the urge to move forward with what I want and I don’t think I will be able to fully do so while being married. I do love and care for him very much but I want to go towards what is fulfilling and brings happiness. Again, thank you for your guidance! Love & Light!
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Hi, Lee. We’ll be happy to ask The Council about your relationship and your son’s reactions to it when we have time and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your question. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia
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I too feel drawn to a man i just recently started dating. Relationship is moving very fast and we even talking about marriage. I feel very connected and comfortable with him as if i have known him forever even though we just recently started dating. I feel very connected to him spiritually physically and emotionally. But he comes with alot of failed relationship and baggage and i am afraid that I may be ignoring red flags and making a mistake. Also i am a recent widow and feel guilty and also wondering if im just vulnerable and lonely and its not real. Also worried about sons’ reactions to it.
Should I continue with this relationship or is in infatuation?
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