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Creating Your Ideal Partner

This post answers follow-up questions for The Council from a reader named Starfish. We previously answered Starfish’s related questions in our post, Will I Meet My Ex Again, Or Meet Someone New To Share My Life With.

Starfish: Hi. I want to continue my question on this topic. After I posted this, I met a man who was my first boyfriend. I was in a relationship with him for one year, and then we broke up.

Council: Now when you think of this relationship, was it fun? Was it something you enjoyed? And we ask you to remember that part of it.

Starfish: My ex-boyfriend, who I loved dearly, but I was bored with the connection. So I keep blaming myself, even though he loves me so much.

Council: And why do you blame yourself? It was boring? And what did you do to make it exciting? What is it that you brought to this relationship? What is it that you wanted to talk about, and that you wanted to share? Always look at what you bring to the relationship. That is a #1 step in any relationship.

Starfish: My intention was still to have a partner who I can get married to. I met two other men after him. I feel like in my mind the man, K, was my husband, but so far the connection is unable to start. He’s busy with things in his life, and we are unable to meet or get to know each other.

Council: So there you are being shown that what you have is what you’ve created right now. The person not wanting to have more contact with you shows you were this person is right now. That does not mean that you cannot change this. You can. You have to start with meditations, with seeing it, with visualizing it, appreciating it, and working with the vibration. But from what you tell us right now, the man is not in a place to want to have more of a relationship with you.

Starfish: I only got to see him three times in the last four months. This made me question my intuition, and that maybe I was wrong because he doesn’t communicate or answer my texts much.

Council: Well your intuition is correct, that you are noticing he’s not returning texts, or calls, or wanting more to do with you. That is correct.

Starfish: Which makes me feel like he doesn’t want this connection.

Council: At the present that is true, but once again we say you can do the work, and you change it. And a lot of people will say, “You know, it’s hard work. I don’t want to do that.” Okay, that’s fine. Then move on and create the person of your dreams.

Starfish: But when we’re together, it feels good. I did not have the same feeling with the others. The other guy, N, he’s everything I wished for in a partner – the nice way he treated me, his communication – except our connection is more like friends.

Council: And can you appreciate how wonderful it is to have this kind of person in your life? You can stay friends and have a wonderful relationship.

Starfish: I’m confused about who to keep focusing on moving forward to create a reality with. I know I want to be with the K guy, but the circumstances are so against it, which makes me question if I’m heading the wrong way.

Council: If you are questioning, you are not sure you will be able to make this [relationship] happen. So #1, you would have to stop the questioning and start the knowing that this is what it is right now, but this is the way it’s going to be, and start working on the way you want it. And that’s how you change it.

Starfish: Or I’m just making toxic decisions for myself. The other connections were much easier, but my feelings are not in it.

Council: Alright, so follow your feelings. Create another person, and another one after that, and another one after that. Create as many as you can, and how wonderful it is that you can keep creating them. But keep creating and adding to each relationship what’s missing, and what you would like in it. And then you will create the perfect person for you.

Starfish: I don’t want to keep creating new people in my life because I’m very tired of this temporary experience.

Council: Well, you must first become aware of what it is you want, and what it is that’s lacking in all these other relationships, and create this one person that would have what it is you need that you don’t get in these relationships. So when you know what you don’t want, you will know what you want. Take a look at the relationships you’ve had. What is missing? And now add to the person who would be the ideal for you. And if you say you’re tired of creating, then you will just be stuck right now until you take the bull by the horns and say, “Okay, this is my life. I will create what I want.”

Starfish: I just want to choose one person and stick to that. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Council: And maybe it is your way of having fun, by creating all these people. There are many people who can’t even create one person, and you have been able to create several. So you can have fun with that. And you can say to yourself, “Well let’s see what I create next, and maybe this one will have everything that I want.” But be excited and be happy about it. When you are looking at it like you are tired of creating, you will never bring in the relationship that you want.

And so we send you love, and all the joy that you can find in your lives. Create, create, create.

Listen to the entire 7-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Starfish and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages, and we’ll publish an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready.

If you prefer to have a private half-hour telephone conversation with The Council, you can pay us $60 through PayPal by clicking on this link. When we receive your payment, we’ll email you to arrange a mutually convenient day and time for your phone call and questions.

And lastly, if you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know.

June 25, 2025 - Posted by | Audio Content, Channeling, Creation, Desire, Feelings, Marriage, Meditation, Questions & Answers, Relationships | , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. Hi, J. We’ll be happy to ask The Council your questions about your relationship when we have time, and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your questions. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia

    Like

    Cynthia & Bob's avatar Comment by Cynthia & Bob | May 7, 2026

  2. Hi, it’s me again. I got back with my first bf, then broke up again. But this time it hurts really bad.

    I can’t understand why we love each other but it never works.

    When I try to imagine my future with him, it doesn’t seem right. There’s certain incompatibility that if I try to push through, it creates resentment for both of us. I love him so much, but he’s active and sometimes he’s bored of our connection. He loves me but he admits he needs stimulation.
    And I don’t feel bored but always felt like certain understanding, empathy is always missing. Always got this fearful feeling he’ll run away to his freedom, and I need mine too but to lesser extent. Funny thing, he’s afraid of the same thing. So we can never work it out.

    We didn’t talk for the last 2 months. He had a casual connection with someone else. But still it was just physical. I texted him today, he said maybe we could be friends given our differences.

    I don’t know how can we be friends after loving someone this much. Maybe I’ll only be able to get over this if he finally loves someone else. Or I finally love someone other than him.

    I dated a bunch of people during our 1 year breakup before that. But somehow I never got over this, and got back when he texted me last year. I didn’t feel love for anyone.
    When I imagine myself with someone else I feel empty. I imagine myself with him, I feel trapped. But I imagine life without him, I felt even worse that I couldn’t even begin to think about it.

    Can you help me on what will we be? I’m feeling so bad. And the long-distance between us, he doesn’t have a stable country that he has decided to be in yet. I’m not happy where I currently reside either, makes it so much harder.

    He’s interested in Chinese speaking culture & I’m not… everything we discuss seems to be heading to a dead end. But I still don’t know how to let go of such feelings, cause then I’ll be in a state lack of love. How can you love someone & decide it’s okay to never see them again?

    I really wanted a life long partner. I’ve tried & tried imagining but I felt no love in my visualisation except when I think of my ex bf.

    Like

    J's avatar Comment by J | May 5, 2026


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