Ask The Council

Is My Husband A Narcissist?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named Wanderer.

Wanderer: Hello, Council, and Bob, and Cynthia. I have a very important question as I am going through an emotional and spiritual enlightening process. I want to check if you think my husband is a narcissist.

Council: Aah, so we hear you say you are going through an enlightening process, but being more enlightened, you would not be interested in somebody else being a narcissist. So right there is something for you to look at – how you are looking at this person or people in your life.

And even if they were under this title that you give them, it does not matter. What helps you grow as a spirit, and evolve, and have new people coming into your life is to allow them to be however they are. You may see them as narcissistic, and yet others may not.

So again we say, check on your perception of what is going on. And even if you feel they are [narcissistic], we would say to you, so what? Are you not here to learn to love? Are you not here to learn how to accept everyone the way they are? How you handle this is with your thoughts. If you evolve and allow them to be, you will find more peace, and it doesn’t matter what they are. And we hope you will work on this.

Wanderer: His family dynamics are such a way that I see very selfish behavior from men. This includes creating a story that includes selfish motives, not having boundaries, thinking children are supposed to serve elders, and so on.

Council: And in this, what is your behavior like? You can be aware of this, but are you kindly setting boundaries so you do not let the others affect you? Are you treating the children with kindness in love?

Everything that you see in another, take a look, because a part of it is for you to see what is bothering you, and what is going on in your life. Are you part of this? Are they a mirror to show you? And of course, we see, yes, your thinking, your perception, and your actions also need to be looked at so that they can change.

Wanderer: My husband has been neglectful and has double standards – different standards when it comes to his family, and different expectations when it comes to our own family.

Council: And that is part of his growth. It is part of who he is. And all you need to do is to be aware of it, and then act appropriately for yourself with kindness, and with letting others be.

Wanderer: I want to check if he is a narcissist, and if there’s any hope for a change.

Council: We would say that your belief that he is a narcissist makes it true for you. But we would also say that there are others who do not believe that. So is this person a narcissist, or isn’t he? It is what you believe. It is what you choose to see.

And at this point in humanity, how everyone is here to bring the love from spirit into your lifetime, it is what you choose to see. And even if you think he is, and his whole family is – they’re all narcissists – so does that mean that you have to be like that?

It’s like, wish them well, hope that they change, but you do the changing, you make your boundaries, you always be kind and show love. And it is not always easy, but we can tell you this: if you begin to try to be accepting, if you begin to show the littlest kindness, and not keep tabs on what you do, and what they do, if you come with that intention, your life will change. You will grow. The people in your life will change. You will bring new people into your life, and you will find happiness. And so take the attention and put it on yourself. How would you like to be?

Wanderer: Interestingly, I think my mother has also been somewhat neglectful toward my Dad, and has been unable to love him truly. So there’s a pattern in this behavior I can see where they don’t see their own faults, and they weave a storyline that suits them.

Council: And we see the pattern, and this does not make it good or bad. It makes it come to your attention that we see the pattern that you are seeing negatively into each person, that you are tuned into that negative vibration where you will find things wrong with others. Again, take a look at this. Do you see the pattern? Are you willing to change? And most important, how will you go forward? What about you? What about your thoughts? What about your actions?

It is all coming to a head that you will see all these actions in others that you think are horrible, but we would say, what is your part in this? You wanted to learn this. It is here in front of you. And so you are in a wonderful place on your path where you have the ability to acknowledge, but then to plan how you want to be.

Wanderer: I’m trying to develop more self-love…

Council: That’s the key.

Wanderer: …and self-worth at this time to be able to choose better.

Council: That’s the key. You’re getting it. We are very proud of you.

Wanderer: I have a question on my personality type, as well. My husband is a master at gaslighting, and tells me that I’m narcissistic, where I’ve only been a giver in this relationship.

Council: And so he sees you as this. Do you see the pattern that is going on between all of you? And he sees you as narcissistic. You do not believe you are that way. And that’s what you [should] think of when you see him as narcissistic, or his family. They don’t believe they are that way. And so the lesson is right there in front of you.

Wanderer: Can The Council please guide me if I have any narcissistic traits?

Council: To other people, yes. To you, no. What is more important is how you see yourself, how to be honest with yourself, the way you are acting, and never mind what everybody else thinks. That is your lesson going forward.

Wanderer: Also, can The Council please guide me on how I overcome this narcissistic and financial abuse?

Council: You begin to love yourself. Really, really love yourself, and to show kindness to yourself, to others, to make boundaries with love, and with kindness. Then everything will begin to change.

And so we wish everyone to become aware of how wonderful you all are, that you are all spirits here on the same path of bringing love, of bringing acceptance, of feeling good about others, and of feeling good about yourself. How learning to accept yourself and others is important. Most of all, reach out with the kindness, reach out with the love, and that is how we all came here to change this reality.

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Listen to the entire 10-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Wanderer and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

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August 3, 2025 - Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Acceptance, Audio Content, Beliefs, Channeling, Love, Questions & Answers, Spirit | Allow, Evolve, Husband, Kindness, Narcissist, Negativity, Peace