Ask The Council

What Can I Do About My Unhappy Marriage?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Maria.

Maria: I’m currently stuck in an unhappy marriage and I’m trying to keep the peace for the sake of my family. We have a young adult son still living with us. My husband and I have been talking about divorce for years now, but we’re still together.

Council: Is divorce what you truly want? Is it a different kind of attention you need in your marriage? We feel there’s a big part of you that doesn’t want to move forward with this divorce. What would you need to feel good in this marriage? What is it you think you can contribute to make this work?

Remember small things about how you met and how you were attracted to your husband. Go back to the good memories and focus on that. You’ll feel a stirring inside as the memories come back. Again, is this what you want? Look for it. Concentrate on this.

If you say you’ve been talking about a divorce for years, then ask yourself why it’s been years? Is it just to keep the family together? Truthfully ask yourself that question. Is it an excuse not to move forward unless you have another partner in the wings? Something you can be sure of if you leave this marriage? That you’ll have a wonderful new relationship? There are no guarantees, but you are the creator. So what is it you wish to create?

Maria: I do love my husband and care for him, but I’ve been very sad because we argue every day and we’re more like roommates that don’t get along.

Council: So what are you arguing about? Is it that important? Is it that you’re so aware of the lack of understanding and the lack of communication that was once there? It’s always possible to bring this back.

And so again we ask you to look at what you had. Do you still want it? Do you want to bring the magic back?

Maria: My husband has some addictions, but I know he’s trying to fight them. I know he loves me in his way also.

Council: Everyone has come into their lives with the thought of having a wonderful time. No one comes here to suffer. But as life goes along, you create different things from your experiences, and different things you want to work out that you’d like to understand and then change.

Remember your husband is also a spirit in a physical body. You are a spirit in a physical body. You both are trying to learn and work things out. The way that happens is you must come from a place of love. Look at yourself and feel love for yourself. It’s in there, even though sometimes it’s hard to find. Look at your husband. Look at him knowing he’s a spirit here with his issues and his work that he wants done.

And perhaps you’ll get to understand that you can help each other learn. You can help each other through this. And that’s how you turn around the issues that you’re looking at.

Maria: I didn’t expect to meet someone very special a few years ago that I felt I knew from other lives.

Council: And so realize that you brought this person in.

Maria: We couldn’t help but fall in love with each other. Nothing happened other than some kissing and communication of love. This person died in terrible circumstances and I almost died too as a result.

Through several mediums I’ve learned we’ve met at each and every incarnation since the time of Atlantis, as we promised each other we’d do that.

Council: We don’t say that every incarnation you have been together, but if believing that helps you face whatever it is that you need in your current lifetime, then you’ll create the mediums that tell you that. And so there are many, many, many lifetimes and you aren’t always together. That doesn’t make your relationship any less.

You came to each other again in your current lifetime for whatever amount of time you’ve created where you’d be together to enjoy each other and to make each other feel good, and that is what it sounds like you did for each other. And that’s a wonderful thing.

Maria: And we’ll meet again. I know that.

Council: If that’s what you want and this other soul wants, yes, you’ll create another lifetime where you’re together. How exciting is that?

Maria: I’d love to know more about my relationship with this man. I’ve received lots of communication from him and I now know he’s one of my guides and he’s helping me and protecting me.

Council: And so how does that make you feel? Is it wonderful to know that you have a connection with this person and that he’s still helping you in your current life? What is this person showing you? When the person has passed on, they’ll always help you move forward to create a new life for yourself. Are you hearing that information? Take a look. Pay attention.

Maria: I feel so privileged. Other mediums told me that he would help me find some other man if I move away from my husband.

Council: When you connect with a spirit who has crossed over, they will never tell you, “I’ll help you if you leave such and such a person.” They’d be there sending you love knowing, and having you know, that everything will be okay. But the choices are always yours. It’s not a spirit saying, “Well I’ll help you only if you do this.” So we’d ask you to question that information from these mediums.

Maria: I also had a dream or visitation from my Mom and she was trying to prepare me for a man that’s coming to me, but I woke up before she could tell me more.

Council: And so, are you creating another man? Is this what you want? Do you want to go back to the first relationship and make it work with your husband? Or are you ready to walk away and you’re creating another man? You are the creator.

Maria: As I’m trying to heal from the most difficult loss of my life – that man I fell in love with – and learn to live with my husband and all the health problems I have, I decided to try alternative medicine. Another big surprise from the universe, the person helping me with my health seems to be another soulmate, but this time he’s the one telling me we’ve been together in other lives, helping each other, and fighting on the same side of wars.

Council: So if you look at what you’re creating, you’re desperate to feel there’s a new man in your life. You’re desperate to feel loved. You want to hear those words from another man, and this is what you’re creating. That’s wonderful if that’s what you really want. And so question yourself. Think about it. This new man doesn’t come out of nowhere into your life. You invite this in.

And so from what we see the direction you’re going in, if something were to happen where this man would disappear, we’re sure the way you think, the way what you want is being dealt with, you’d create a third man, and then a fourth, and a fifth.

So we say ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Maybe I should stop and feel good about myself. Maybe I should love myself for a while and then take a look at this marriage. What do I need to feel happy? Do I need to feel my own power? Do I need to understand more that I’m the creator, and everything that comes into my life, whether it’s good or bad, I am bringing it? So let me now question everything I’m creating.” And you’ll learn more about yourself and what it is that you want.

Maria: It was immediate recognition with this man who was helping me with my health issues. He used the word, “buddies,” but I don’t feel that type of connection, like fighting wars together. What I feel is a more loving, comfortable, and safe feeling. I feel like hugging him a lot, but just like I love to hug my son.

I also saw in my mind one of his spiritual guides. He said I described him perfectly. I think he’s holding back telling me more about those lives, and I’m doing something similar because I didn’t tell him what I think his guide was communicating to me. It was something like he was glad we finally met, and then he smiled a lot and had an expression like, “Pass the popcorn, this is going to be interesting.”

I’d like to know more about those past lives with this new man and what I can expect from him now.

Council: You can expect whatever it is that you create.

And so we’d say at this time, don’t live in the past. Don’t try to find out about past lives. You’re here to live your current life. In a past life he could have murdered you. You could have murdered him. Or you could have been great lovers, or brothers and sisters. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ve brought this into your current life. What is it that you want and how will you go about creating it?

Be in the present. That’s a big lesson for you in this lifetime. So we’d say, question everything you do. Question what you think about everything. Question what you want, but stay in the present.

Maria: Is he a soulmate with whom I could share my life? Or just a very good friend, or perhaps a collaborator?

Council: Again, you wish us to be the fortune teller and that’s not our job. You will create your life the way you want it to be. There’s nothing you can’t create. And so, do you want him to be the person you spend the rest of your life with? Or do you just want him there for a while and then move on? And so stay with that thought. You are the creator. What is it that you want? It’s all up to you.

Maria: I’ve suffered so much with my previous loss that now I’m not even allowing myself to dream of falling in love again.

Council: We think you are allowing this dream.

Maria: I’m still debating divorcing my husband. How can I find a way to live independently from him?

Council: Think of how it truly would be. Can you support yourself? Can you pull away from him completely and move forward? We would say it’s very questionable because now at the end of your comment, the way you started it, you are ending it. By not knowing, you are still debating whether to leave this marriage or not. And so we say to you as a clue, look at this marriage again.

Maria: My health is limiting how much I can work. I’m very creative and I’ve been thinking about writing a book and also singing. No one ever shines a light on my singing.

Council: And so you shine the light on it. Sing by yourself. Sing in your house. Sing in front of friends. Show yourself that you appreciate your singing.

You want to write a book. Sit down and begin this book. And yet you say because of your health there are some things you can’t do. So once again, if you go through with this divorce, can you support yourself? Can you get around? Look at this. It is part of what you want to do in this lifetime to challenge yourself by how you think about yourself. And so start thinking the way you want to feel about yourself. Whether you’re there or not, imagine yourself being a great author. Imagine people asking you to sing, even if it’s only at parties.

See yourself where people around you are appreciating what you can do. But before you get there you must appreciate yourself for who you are, and appreciate your gifts. So do not look to others for attention and approval. Give yourself the attention you want. Approve of yourself first and your life will truly turn around.

Listen to the entire 17-minute audio recording of our session with The Council to hear all their guidance for Maria and the rest of us and let us know what you feel about it. You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.

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September 11, 2022 Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Audio Content, Love, Marriage, Other Lifetimes, Questions & Answers, Reincarnation, Relationships, Spirit, You Create Your Reality | Appreciation, Creator, Divorce, Imagination, Mediums, Spiritual Guides | 2 Comments