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What Can You Tell Me About The Tension In My Husband’s And Son’s Relationship?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Kristi, after she read our post, Why Don’t I Have A Good Relationship With My Mother?

Kristi: Great post on family dynamics. This raises a couple questions of my own that I’d like to ask The Council.

My husband and I have a great relationship and we’ve been married 20 years this November. My husband treats me like any woman would ever want to be treated, and I have almost no complaints in this department. I’m so very thankful for him.

We have one child together, a son who’s 18 years old. My husband’s and my son’s relationship is a strained one, unfortunately. My husband sets extremely high standards for our son, which are often unattainable. And even if they were attainable, my husband wouldn’t be happy then either. I feel like my son could wrangle the moon and my husband wouldn’t care.

When standards aren’t met, a child often feels like they’re not good enough and I see this playing out before me. My son is a sweet guy, very smart, and stays out of trouble, but he has low self-esteem.

My husband makes no attempt to foster a close relationship with our son. We all live together in the same house, but my husband and son can go without talking to each other for weeks at a time. And when they do talk to each other, it’s usually my husband telling my son what he hasn’t done properly.

Council: This is so wonderful. We have such advice for you. We see it so clearly.

Your husband and son were husband and son in a previous lifetime. In that lifetime they were wonderful together. Whatever your son did, your husband praised him. Everything was okay and everything went along beautifully.

At the end of that life, your son said to his dying father, “I wish I could have done more. I wish you would have pushed me more so that I could have given you more, and so that I could have become more in this lifetime.”

And so, in the wonderful past life they experienced together, both wished they had done more. Your son wished he’d become more. Your husband wished he didn’t settle for what your son was in that past life, and he wished he did push your son more.

So going back into spirit they asked each other if they wanted to try this again, but this time the son wanted the father to push him. The son wanted to become so much more in the new life they create. Whatever way the father can find to push the son, to get him to do more, to not settle, the son wants the father to do that with him.

That will be our lesson, to become more as a father and be even more proud of his son than he was. And the son wants to be important. He wants to feel that. He doesn’t want to feel there’s so much more he could have done. He wants to know there’s a strong father behind him that won’t let him settle.

And so your husband creates a family where there weren’t good role models for him to follow. He becomes a stern father who, out of love, whether he can admit that or not, isn’t going to settle for what your son does, no matter how good it is. He’ll ignore your son and not give him any confidence or any hurrahs for what he does. And this is your husband’s way of pushing your son to want his father’s attention,  and to want more, and more, and more.

The most wonderful little book for you to read is, The Littlest Soul and the Sun, by Neale Donald Walsch, about two angels. One angel asks the other angel to come back into a new life, and if the first angel does something mean to the second angel, can the second angel still remember the first angel is a soul and forgive him. We suggest you read that book. That’s exactly what’s going on with your husband and your son.

They’re being tough with each other, but underneath they want so much more for each other. Your husband wants to leave this life thinking he was a wonderful father, and he pushed his son so much that, look what his son accomplished. And your son wants to think at the end of this life, my father never complimented me enough, he pushed me and pushed me, but I see it now, it was out of love because look at what I’ve become.

Bob: Is it a good idea for the son or the father to read, The Littlest Soul and the Sun, as well?

Council: They may not be open to it, but I’d leave the book around and see who gets drawn to it first and who reads it. It’s perfect for what’s going on, and it’s the wife’s job not to judge or step in because she can’t fix this. This is between your husband and your son. They’ll find a way. Their lessons and challenges in this reality is to find a way to come back to love. That’s the reason we’re all here, to come back to the state of love.

Bob: Was the father in this life the father in the past life, and the son in this life the son in the past life?

Council: Yes. And so they brought that role into their current life to work it through.

Kristi: I try to step in and talk to my husband about how difficult he’s being, but he doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from.

Council: Yes, he doesn’t understand, not at this time.

Kristi: He’s not abusive at all, but he doesn’t offer the love and acceptance a parent should provide.

Council: You provide love and acceptance to your husband and your son for the way they are. Always send them light so they can find a way to work out this challenge they wanted to go through in this lifetime, and they’ll find the path that will bring them to the state of love.

Kristi: My husband’s father was absent most of my husband’s life, so my husband didn’t have the best role model for parenting. Whereas I had the best father in the world and I only want the same thing for my son. I’d love for them to have a better relationship, but I understand this isn’t my battle. I’d love more insight into their dynamic, whether or not this was planned in spirit before coming to this Earthly plane, and why?

Council: It was definitely planned. And their higher selves know why they created this situation, what they’re trying to do, and will take them along their path until they understand and find a way to bring more love into their lives.

Kristi: Do you see my husband’s and son’s relationship getting better with time?

Council: It can always get better, but they are the creators. The best thing you can do is to accept what they create. They can create a change in a year if they want, or it could take 20 years. You must let them go through whatever it is they need to see, understand, and feel, and they’ll find a way.

Kristi: What can I do to help this situation?

Council: Send love, and have fun watching your husband’s and your son’s journey.


Listen to the entire 10-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Kristi and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it. You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into any of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.

If you like this post, please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.

April 19, 2022 Posted by | Acceptance, Agreement, Audio Content, Challenges, Channeling, Forgiveness, Love, Other Lifetimes, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How Can I Parent My Spirited 4-Year Old Son?

This post answers questions from a reader named, Kati, who’s having difficulty parenting her spirited 4-year old son. He’s a loving and sweet child with a wise old soul, but his ultra-Ares spiritedness has left her and her husband at a loss as to handling his intense energy. His constant chatter and volume are stage-worthy.

The Council says Kati’s comment about her son’s behavior being stage-worthy is interesting because in this lifetime he’ll have an interest in acting and a desire to project his voice.

Kati says as introverts, she and her husband often find themselves overwhelmed by their son, and then feel bad for trying to quiet him down and contain his fireryness. We don’t want to dampen his spirit, but we’re afraid we’re doing just that.

The Council advises Kati to take her son to plays and read books she can act out roles with him. He should enjoy this very much and it will calm him down because spiritually he’s going towards the path he intended in this lifetime.

The Council says the reason for Kati’s son’s outspokenness is that in a past life he was put in prison for speaking out his beliefs. In his current lifetime his spirit wants to speak out any way he can find to be heard, and know the experience of what this feels like emotionally. The direction this desire will take him depends on what Kati and her husband do with him.

If you’re interested in politics, then show your son about debating. If you’re interested in teaching, bring him to workshops where people are teaching what they’ve learned and are sharing their experiences. You can also take him to live situations where there’s acting or performing. As he experiences all of this, he’ll be able to make a clearer choice of the direction he wants to go in.

The Council says the role-playing and speaking about different topics that are going on in the world when your son is ready may be difficult for Kati and her husband, but it will serve to bring them out of their introversion. You are learning to talk about your ideas and feelings to your son and you are all growing. It’s not that you are there just to help your son experience what he wants and to grow. In the role your son has chosen, he will force you to grow and experience life differently, so expect some wonderful changes.

Listen to the entire 6-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Kati and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

If you like this post, please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section after the post to let us and other readers know. Thanks.

October 8, 2018 Posted by | Audio Content, Channeling, Other Lifetimes, Questions & Answers, Spirit | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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