Ask The Council

Why Don’t I Have A Good Relationship With My Mother?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Ilona, who asks about her relationship with her mother.

Ilona: I experienced difficulties that were a great challenge for me from the time I was young. My mother always perceived me negatively and didn’t show me as much love as my two sisters.

Council: You set this experience up yourself in spirit. From the very beginning you wanted to learn the lesson of independence, the lesson of accepting others for who they are, you wanted to learn about boundaries, and you wanted to learn how to let go of things and move your life in the direction you wanted. As a young child you began to have feelings that perhaps you weren’t good enough, feeling you weren’t accepted, and so your path began.

Ilona: I’d like to know why my mother doesn’t need me in her life? Why is she pushing me away? Did I hurt her in any way?

Council: There’s nothing you’ve done to hurt your mother, but in spirit, before you came into this reality, you and your mother set up the kind of relationship you’re having. What feels to you like your mother is pushing you away was an agreement you made with her so that your life would be difficult and you’d have to be stronger. And in finding your strength you’d feel very proud of yourself.

In 2020 my mother had a stroke, and in the first few months I felt like our relationship was getting better. That was until my youngest sister moved in with her. Since then my relationship with my mother has been tested again.

Council: Go back to this time when your mother had her stroke and you thought your relationship was improving. How did you feel about this? How do you remember this time? This is the feeling you’re looking for again, but you set it up so you’d feel this way whether you had your mother’s approval or not. This was a taste to remind you of what you were looking for, and then it was taken away. This was all your choice on a spiritual level.

Ilona: After my youngest sister moved in, my mother doesn’t respond to my messages, and doesn’t want to talk to me when my sister isn’t there. I suspect my sister doesn’t want me to have a nice relationship with my mother and only wants to keep my mother to herself.

Council: Whether this is what your sister wants or not, how do you feel about your relationship with your mother? It’s up to you to make up your mind and go in the direction of what you want to happen. It’s a lot of work to look at this relationship and decide if this is what you want. Is it too difficult? Or can you look at it and learn your lesson and feel good about yourself, whether you have your mother’s or your sister’s approval or closeness with them.

What can you find about yourself that makes you feel good? Is it somewhere else in a different relationship? Can you accept what your mother and sister do,  send them love, and let go? If you can’t send love, can you just let go? Because what you’re looking for isn’t to be found in this relationship. This relationship is to get you to look more at yourself, to find out about yourself and the kind of person you are, what you’ll allow, and what you won’t allow. It’s about boundaries. The bottom line is you’re supposed to learn about yourself, love yourself, and feel good about what you accept, and what you don’t accept.

We’re not sent to Earth to suffer and feel horrible. We’re sent here to look at these lessons and to find a way of dealing with them, whether letting it go to make you feel good, or whether it’s pushing forward to see what you can do. When you realize you can’t change another person, can you accept them for who they are? See them and speak to them when you feel like it, or completely walk away. These are all decisions you wish to make. You wish to take your life in the direction you find more comfortable and more loving for yourself.

Ilona: Why is my youngest sister so manipulative?

Council: It’s the part she chose to play and that you both set up and agreed to in spirit. So if she’s manipulative, do you want this in your life? Do you wish to fight against this? Or can you accept your sister for who she is and know that she has her own lessons to learn from this kind of behavior? And then not focus on how manipulative she is, but how – now that you see it – that’s something you don’t want around you, and move forward appropriately.

Ilona: What can I do to improve my relationship with my mother?

Council: Always send your mother and your sister the energy of love, whether you understand them or not. And decide to be there for them when they want you to be there, or completely let go. You must make the decision. Remember you can’t change another person. You can accept them for what they’re doing because you don’t know what they’re trying to learn in their reality. Focus on yourself and what you want, and move in that direction.

Ilona: Is there any hope for me?

Council: There’s always hope. On an energetic level you can picture them changing. Picture them calling you. Picture them asking you to meet with them. You must do the work on an energetic level first. You can do this if it’s what you want, but you first have to decide what you want. Work energetically with them and you’ll see the change begin to happen. There’s nothing you can do physically in your reality to get them to change. You can see the change happen when you constantly focus on how you want your life to be.

Ilona: Is there anything I should know right now?

Council: The most important thing is to concentrate on yourself. See how your relationship with your mother and sister is going. Decide what you want. Do you want a relationship? Do you not want it? Then work energetically. Even if you decide it’s not what you want, picture your relationship going in different ways, but happily. Imagine they’re happy without you in their lives and you’re happy without them in your life. Always come from a place of love, letting go, and everyone feeling the happiness and joy that’s intended when you learn lessons.

Listen to the entire 9-minute audio recording (we apologize for the quality of this recording) to hear all The Council’s guidance for Ilona and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it. You can ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.

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April 7, 2022 - Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Acceptance, Agreement, Audio Content, Challenges, Channeling, Decision Making, Love, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | Allowing, Boundaries, Choice, Decisions, Independence, Lessons, Letting Go, Mother