Ask The Council

Why Did My Ex-Partner Come Into My Life And Ruin It?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named Zumzulis.

Zumzulis: I was writing before about a pregnancy with a person who smoked weed. I terminated the relationship, and we split. What happened after that was that he came running back after two months, and promised that he really wants a family, and we can create one.

Council: And was there something there that made you believe there was a change and it would be different? Look at what was said. Why did you go into this again?

Zumzulis: So I got pregnant again with him, and this time I regretted so much that I got back with him. He mentally abused me during the whole pregnancy and asked me to abort the child, or he would ruin my life.

Council: And so that is the second time you were in this relationship, and the behavior was abusive. And so, we would hope that at this point you would see it.

Zumzulis: I couldn’t believe that he trapped me again. It was even too late to terminate the pregnancy, and I felt mentally exhausted from the previous termination because I wanted a child so much, and we had planned it. So long story short, I have my child, and I ran from him when my baby was only 1½ months old after being treated like crap in my own home.

Council: And so, after these continuous getting back together, you have still experienced the same behavior, but now you have your child.

Zumzulis: I’m not going to get back with him this time for sure.

Council: Well we would hope so, because this will happen continuously until you get that lesson. And why would you put yourself through that over and over again? Even if this person were to come on their knees and beg you that they have changed, why would you take the chance and abuse yourself in this manner? So we would want you to be aware of this.

Zumzulis: I learned he is a narcissist. Now my baby is almost four months old, and I feel quite helpless because I am raising him almost on my own. The narcissist dad manipulates and abuses me by not looking out for the baby so I don’t have time for myself.

Council: And so, again, you are being abused. You don’t have time for yourself. At this point in your life, because of the choices you have made, the priority should not be who abuses you and what you have gone through, but how you are moving forward on a path for a different life for yourself and for your child. That is where the focus should be, not on blaming. It doesn’t matter. Where do you want your life to go now?

Zumzulis: I have sisters and a great mother, but my sisters are tired from their own kids, and my mother lives with my narcissistic dad on the other side of the country.

Council: So there’s a narcissistic dad also. So there are these interesting titles that you give to people. And yet we would say, look at yourself. This whole problem that you have is not about who is what, or how they treat you; it is about you. You are here to learn about you, what you will accept for this life, when you will get to the point where you know you are a spirit and you deserve better, and you can change it. All of this is about you, to learn about you. Take the focus off of everybody else and put it on yourself. You are capable. You can do this. You need to focus on where you want to go in the future.

Zumzulis: So when I came back to my parents, my father started abusing my mother, and I couldn’t stay any longer. So basically I have no help. Could you please give me any guidance on why this person came into my life, and ruined it, and still keeps trying to destroy my life, even if the cost is to abuse his own child?

Council: Because you set it up this way. Because you have decided this is the lesson you wanted to learn about yourself. And so, this lesson of being abused, and blaming others, and not having any help, keeps saying to you, “What do I do about it. What do I do about it?” And that’s where the focus should be.

So there is no blame on anybody else. It is a lesson that you called in, that you have created, that you wished to change. And when you get to that point, you will find where the right people will come into your life, and not think this man will track you down again, your father is abusing your mother, you know, maybe the neighbors will abuse each other. The point is to get away from that energy and know that, “I am strong, I have a child. It is my duty, my responsibility to take care of this child.” And you start to think like that. You will find the way.

Zumzulis: Another question I have is about my dreams. When I got pregnant, I had a very, very light, loving dream about my first boyfriend. After the dream, when waking up, I felt that I was free, and I will no longer have to suffer from this toxic relationship. But what does The Council say about that? What did it mean? Did the soul [of the child] that I got pregnant with save me. And what did it have to do with my first boyfriend?

Council: It has nothing to do with your first boyfriend. It is a wonderful memory. It is a dream that makes you feel good. But again, the purpose is not to go backwards, not to look for someone to take you away from this abusiveness. But look at this dream. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a relationship like that with someone? And you can find it. You can create it when you learn about yourself.

Zumzulis: I texted him and he is engaged already. I couldn’t stop thinking about him for the past couple of months. I started to feel like we broke up just yesterday, even though it’s been 10 years. Why do I feel this way if he’s engaged?

Council: Because you want that loving feeling. You think, “Oh, if their engagement broke up, maybe I can be with him. It will be wonderful.” Of course you could create that, but that is not the purpose. The purpose is, once again, what can you do?

You remember how it was. It was wonderful. You would like someone like that in the future, but how are you getting there. Do not go back into the past and think you can go into this relationship. What would you do if he married? Go into an affair? Would that be the right thing to do with that person’s wife? Would that be the kind of relationship you want? You would want someone for yourself that is good to you, that is good with you and with your child. And so going back only reminds you that there are good relationships and feelings you would like to have again. And so we would say, with this, move forward.

Zumzulis: Another dream I had was about my baby’s birthday. I dreamt he would be born on the 9th of November, and he was. Does it mean it was pre-planned?

Council: It could have been. It could be a sign that you decided that it would happen this way so that you’d know things are pre-planned. You can pre-plan, and you can take what you’re living now and plan the future the way you want it. And so take that sign as, you do have the power. You do have the availability to see signs that are sent to you to bring you where you want to be.

And so, we wish you love, and peace, and happiness on your journey, and just enjoy. Find things to enjoy and the rest will take care of itself.

---

Listen to the entire 10-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Zumzulis and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.

You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages, and we’ll publish an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready.

If you prefer to have a private half-hour telephone conversation with The Council, you can pay us $60 through PayPal by clicking on this link. When we receive your payment, we’ll email you to arrange a mutually convenient day and time for your phone call and questions.

And lastly, if you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know.

September 6, 2025 Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Audio Content, Channeling, Love, Marriage, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | Abuse, Blame, Dreams, Lesson, Moving Forward, Regret | Leave a comment