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When a Loved One Unexpectedly Departs Physical Reality

This post is inspired by a request from Kali, who writes that her partner (father of her two young sons) didn’t physically survive a car crash a couple months ago. She adds that she can’t accept he’s gone, her pain is unbearable, she’s desperately trying to develop herself spiritually so she can connect with the love of her life, and she’d appreciate any guidance The Council can offer.

Do You Believe You are Spirit in a Physical Body?

On November 11, 2013 we did a session with The Council to see if we could get the guidance Kali requested. The Council began this session with the following comments:

“Well first we want to say he [Kali’s partner] hasn’t gone anywhere, he is just out of his physical body.

“You are stating you are desperate and trying to develop spiritually, so first we ask you to meditate on this question: Do you believe you are a spirit here, operating in this physical body? Because that is who you truly are.

“And spirit – which is light and energy – never dies; we transition. We choose to create physical bodies to come into this environment and when we are done, we leave the physical body. But there is no dying; there is no end to spirit. Is that understood?”

—The Council
(The formatting above throughout this post represents The Council’s comments during our session. Text [in brackets] in these quotations has been added to improve readability and clarity when this seems useful.)

The Council is quick to remind Kali that her partner is an eternal spiritual being, which means his departure from his physical body does not mean he is gone from her life. When I (Bob) commented I wasn’t sure if Kali will understand, The Council continued:

“Well the beginning of understanding is to try to understand that you are this [spiritual] being. When you are in such deep grief (as we see here that she is), it is almost impossible to connect with the person you love that you feel has died… that [you feel] has left you.

He will always be around you

“And so while we understand this grief, if you can somehow get yourself into a better [feeling] place and look for signs that he is around, you will see them. I find there is (we believe) a spot that he liked in the kitchen, and if you pay attention to this area you will see some sort of evidence that he is still around.

“You have the ability to speak to him differently now, because instead of having him in front of you, you can know that when you speak to him out loud or in your head, he is able to hear [you] and communicate with you. So you have to think of your partner a little differently. He’s on another level now and the communication will be different. You will have feelings about him. You will know when he is around. You will speak to him [and] he will always be around you.”

Meditate and read about near death experiences

“We ask you to learn how to meditate. Read books about people who have had the near death experience… who have had communication with others that have passed on. This will lighten your load, [it] will lift your vibration so that you yourself will experience the connection [you desire]. Is that understood?”

The Council says Kali’s partner will always be around her even though he isn’t in his physical body. And while it’s normal to feel emotions like grief, sadness, anger, sorrow, self-pity, depression, etc. when a loved one departs physical reality, The Council emphasizes the vibration of these emotions is far from the vibration of love and joy that Kali’s partner is experiencing in spirit. So if she wants to connect with him and communicate with him, she needs to do whatever she can to get to a better-feeling place and connect more to the feeling of who she is as a spiritual being. Then she’ll experience how her partner is still very much in her life.

Why Did He Leave?

It’s our understanding from The Council’s teachings that when a soul leaves their physical body, it’s always by the choice of that spiritual being. I imagined it might bring Kali some relief to understand how her partner (as spirit) came to this choice that’s so painful for her, and I asked The Council about this.

“It was agreed upon [between Kali and her partner, in spirit] that they would be together for the time needed to create new life [their two children] and then for him to move on when he felt that he had experienced what he wanted to experience in this lifetime. And also for her, through this… what she would consider a tragedy… [she would] grow.

“And so they accomplished what they needed to accomplish together. And now with his passing she will find strength that she never was aware of before, and will learn how to communicate spiritually. And that is the purpose [of her having this experience].

“There was no sudden crash, no sudden experience that took him away. This was all pre-planned and went exactly as desired.

“And so what you [Kali] learn in your growth, and how you find faith, and have more and more (what we would call) spiritual experiences, it is on your path that you wish to teach this to the children that you brought in together. And so at a very early age it will be good to teach the children:

“About spirits (who they truly are).

“They come here for a reason, then they leave, [and] they return again, but there is never a separation… we are all one.

“Teaching them meditation, positive thoughts, how to feel better, how to show compassion and help one another.

“That is the choice that you picked before incarnating into this lifetime. Is that understood?”

The Council’s teaching that you sometimes spiritually choose to have challenging and painful human experiences may be one of their more difficult teachings to appreciate. (Links to our posts explaining this idea in more detail are at the end of this post.) The short explanation is that you sometimes spiritually create painful human situations because they provide you with spiritually desirable opportunities to experience expansion into physical reality, of the love you truly are as a spiritual being.

Although it may not feel like it initially, The Council says Kali spiritually intended to have this experience for the growth that will occur as a result of what she now considers the tragedy of loosing her partner and father of her children. And in his love for Kali, her partner spiritually agreed to help her have this experience. And in Kali’s love for her partner she agreed to help him have the human experience he desired of fathering children. What The Council didn’t mention in this session, but has mentioned in others, is that all spiritual beings throughout all of existence also grow as a result of Kali and her partner’s growth through their experience.

At one point in the session I commented that it almost seems like it was more Kali’s spiritual desire to go through this experience than it was her partner’s. The Council replied:

“It was agreed upon, but yet she did want to experience more strength and the connection – as we see [it], the surprise and then the excitement of connecting with spirit – and then to teach it to her sons and others.”

Love is Still There

I commented that Kali feels like the love of her life is gone, and I asked if The Council is saying that Kali will re-experience this love the more she connects with who she is as a spiritual being.

“Exactly. She will begin to feel the love. It is still there… it is within her. And yet because of the sadness and the grief she is experiencing, it [love] is not being felt at this time. But there will come a time that she will feel it and will be very positive of her connection to her husband again, and there will be great joy in that.”

“The meditation will put her in the right vibration; it [her vibration] will lighten. And the sorrow she feels… she will pull away from that through meditation, and as her vibration becomes lighter and lighter, she will then be able to connect easier with spirit.

Bob:     “With her spirit and the spirit of her husband?”

“Exactly. She will be open to receive more of their communication in any way that they can work out together, because where he is, he is also working to communicate with her and let her know he is still there. And so to receive this communication it is important to change the vibration of sadness.”

According to our understanding of The Council and other spiritual teachers, spiritual unconditional love is who you truly are. And the more attention you give to this love you are, this love that is always available to you in your physical experience, the more you will feel this love in your physical reality.

The Spiritual Planning Process

I was curious about The Council’s comment that the departure of Kali’s partner from physical reality was pre-planned, not sudden, and went exactly as desired. I asked if they were saying the car crash had been planned for a long time.

“It was planned that he would leave when he truly felt he had done what he came here to do.

“Was the car accident planned? No.

“But it was planned that when he was ready, a situation would be created – which he did and she agreed to – that would help him transfer back into this spiritual place.

“And so we see as the time came closer to his leaving, it was decided then that [a car crash] would be the easiest way to make the transition.

“And so in spirit we do choose to experience different things, but it is not always chosen exactly how we want to do it. The agreement is made: we will come together… we will do this, this, this… we will leave together. [Or] I will leave first… [or] you will leave first. You may have an idea how you want to leave… I may have an idea… or maybe not – let’s just see. We are always, always creating.”

The Council’s answer provides an interesting perspective on the subject of pre-birth planning, which has received well-deserved attention in the last few years in books like Your Soul’s Plan and Your Soul’s Gift, by Robert Schwartz. It’s our understanding that while it may be possible for you to spiritually pre-plan in great detail many (or even all) of the important events in your life, it’s seems more likely you start with general spiritual intentions for the kinds of human experiences you desire. Then as you move through your human experience, this experience provides the spiritual part of you with feedback related to your spiritual intentions, and The Council emphasizes that every moment of your human life is an opportunity to fine tune your spiritual preferences and choices in a way that allows the most love from spirit into your human experience. This is what they mean when they say that you are always creating.

Additional Questions & Answers

By this point in the session it felt like The Council had offered some good guidance in response to Kali’s request, and we devoted the rest of the session to seeing if we could get some additional information Kali might find helpful.

Communicating with His Children

Thinking about The Council’s comment that Kali’s partner is working to communicate with her and let her know he’s still there, I asked if he’s doing the same for his children.

“Yes, and they do receive the information. We also see here… we believe the older child will very easily follow on a spiritual path. And so (again) there are books on meditation for children, with uplifting stories. And when this child begins to talk of the father – that he sees him, or speaks to him, or he is around – it is very important to listen to this and encourage this.”

“And so the father, from where he is now, will teach them many things.”

New Relationship

I asked The Council if they can tell whether Kali spiritually intends to experience a relationship with a new partner.

“If you are asking: will she find another partner… have another relationship – yes, that will be. And that, at this time, is all we can say about that.”

Other Lifetimes

I asked if The Council is aware of other lifetimes that Kali, her partner, and her children share that might help ease her current feelings of grief in this lifetime.

“All four were together in a lifetime (we believe) where they were American Indians, and they were a family then. At that particular lifetime, Kali and her husband did have the experience of growing old together and their children growing up. And so there is a familiarity and they were comfortable in coming back again.”

Books on Near Death Experiences

I asked if there are any particular books The Council recommends for Kali to read.

“Anything now on near death experiences, so that she will get an idea of what people see when they are on the other side. As she begins to read this and imagine it in her head, she will be expanding to allow this [spiritual experience] to be understood, and to allow more of this to come to her.”

This is the first time we can remember The Council offering guidance in any of our sessions to read about near death experiences. Although they didn’t mention any specific books or authors, it just so happens we’ve both been reading an inspirational book on this subject by Anita Moorjani during the writing of this post. The title of this book is Dying to be Me.

Anita was given hours to live after being rushed to the hospital when she was having difficulty breathing after a 4 year struggle with cancer. Parts II & III of the book describe the fascinating superconscious spiritual experience Anita had after her body went into a coma prior to arriving at the hospital, and the miraculous physical healing of her cancer that she experienced when she regained physical consciousness. (We found Part I about her growing up in Singapore and about her struggle with cancer less inspirational and probably can be skipped without taking away from the beauty of Parts II & III, if you don’t find Part I particularly interesting.)

As the session felt like it was coming to an end, I mentioned the guidance that seemed most likely to ease Kali’s pain and grief at this time is that her partner is communicating with her, and that mediating and finding better-feeling thoughts will help her communicate with him. To this The Council added:

“…and for now, maybe [in] dreams, he will be able to communicate with her.”

“And so for now to help her, it would be good to (again) focus on knowing who she really is [as an eternal spiritual being], and to know that even if it is not understood, this [her husband leaving physical form] was agreed upon [by] her and her husband, and that everything that has happened was allowed… was wanted… was created [by all involved, as spiritual beings]. And now it is her time to create and be open to the rest of the experience.”

We understand The Council’s advice can be a challenge for Kali to accept (or anyone who feels they’ve lost a loved one), but we feel if she remains open to their point of view she’ll be pleasantly surprised by how her life begins to change for the better as she becomes more and more connected with who she is as a spiritual being, and is able to feel more connected to her partner.

Links to Related Posts

As we mention earlier in this post, it can be a challenge to appreciate The Council’s teaching that every single aspect of your human experience is desired by who you are as an eternal, unconditionally loving spiritual being, and all of your human experience is created by this part of you. This can be particularly difficult to appreciate and accept if you find your human experience to be difficult or painful. It seems normal to have serious doubts that an unconditionally loving spiritual being would choose to create physical reality experiences that the human part of itself experiences as painful. This appears to contradict what most of us think of as unconditionally loving behavior.

For us the key to appreciating this seemingly counter-intuitive point of view, is appreciating another closely related Council teaching that doesn’t seem quite as problematic: your greatest desire as a spiritual being is to experience the feeling of expansion of the love you are as a spiritual being.  From this point of view, what you in your physical body might perceive as a painful human experience, as a spiritual being you perceive this less than loving physical reality experience as an opportunity to allow the love you truly are to expand into physical reality, and in the process transform physical reality into a more spiritual reality.

The challenge of appreciating The Council’s point of view is that physical reality experiences have a way of keeping our attention focused on our physical reality awareness, which has a tendency to distract us from awareness of our spiritual reality. But The Council promises the more open you are to the feeling you are an eternal, unconditionally loving spiritual being in a physical body, the easier it will be for you to transform challenging and painful physical experiences into better-feeling, more loving experiences. The following posts contain additional information on these ideas. You may find they help you transform your physical reality into better-feeling human experiences.

Before We Are Born Do We Plan Challenging Human Relationships That Stimulate Our Spiritual Expansion?

Why Would Spirit Choose to Be a Human Being Who Experiences Pain?

Does Spirit’s Pre-Birth Planning Negate Human Free Will?

Abortion, Loss, Reincarnation, Life, Love, Expansion – Beth’s Story: A Spiritual Perspective

The Human-Spirit Relationship and Free Will

How is It Possible There is No Separation Between Spirit and Human?

 Let Us Know What You Think

Thank you for taking time to read this post. We hope you feel your time with it has been well spent. We’d love to know what you think of this material. Please consider leaving a comment in the Leave a Reply section below. If you have any questions for The Council about ideas mentioned in this post or other posts, the Leave a Reply section is the best place to submit those questions. For questions not related to a specific post we suggest you write them in the Leave a Reply section at the very bottom of the Welcome page. We will be notified by email and reply as soon as we can.

December 8, 2013 - Posted by | Challenges, Connecting With Spirit, Expansion, Guidance, Love, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Vibration, You Create Your Reality | , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Hi, Kali. Glad you liked Anita Moorjani’s book and you’re thinking about The Council’s guidance. We’ll be sure to pass along any new messages or guidance. Love, Bob & Cynthia.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | January 13, 2014

  2. Dearest Cynthia and Bob
    sorry for a late comment, Thank you so much for the love and support and guidance from yourselfs and the council. I hve read the book by Anita and it is remarkable Thank you, thanks for the kind work you do in helping people . I have definately taken your guidance on board, if you ever have any messages for me or guidance please let me know, Happy New Year much love Kali xxxxx


    Comment by Anonymous | January 7, 2014

  3. Hi, Susan. Thanks for these suggestions. We look forward to checking them out.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | December 19, 2013

  4. Another book about a NDE is called Backwards by Nanci Danison. I just read it, and it’s excellent. Also, in The Afterlife of Billy Fingers, author Annie Kagan unexpectedly channeled her recently deceased brother. Wonderful book. Finally, Dannion Brinkley has had 2 or 3 NDE’s and had profound insights. I have not read his books, but intend to.


    Comment by mariner2mother | December 18, 2013

  5. Dear Cynthia & Bob, dear Council
    Thank you for your answer so soon.
    I was and am aware, that this situation now is somehow a new beginning for me. My thoughts for Bealiza and her new life are happy ones and my wishes for her just the best. I love her dearly.
    I will read those two books and find out more about who I’m really are and where I want to go on.
    Thank you for your guidance.
    Love Zsuzsanna


    Comment by Zsuzsanna | December 11, 2013

  6. Hi Zsuzsanna,
    We were able to do a session with The Council this evening to get the guidance you requested. We are sending you an email with a link to a recording of the session. For the benefit of our readers, we consider the following guidance to be the highlights of the session.

    1. Already light in the situation. You only need to become aware of it.
    2. Finding ways to feel happy about the joy Bealiza is now experiencing, feeling gratitude for her being in your life, and wishing her happiness will help you find what you are looking for in your life.
    3. The more you are able to feel that you are a spiritual being, the less alone you will feel and the more connected you will feel with others.
    4. The loss you are feeling is not coming from another lifetime with Bealiza, it is coming from not feeling connected to who you are as a spiritual being at this time.
    5. Read Robert Schwartz’s book, Your Soul’s Plan, (also published under the title, Courageous Souls) to help you better understand spiritual reality and how you are never alone.
    6. Read Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention, to help you refocus your thoughts so you can create more of what you desire in this lifetime.
    7. Finding your place in the world comes from finding and feeling your connection to who you are as a spiritual being. All places become your place when you feel this connection.
    8. Your desire for aloneness will begin to change as you enter a new phase of your life where you will have an interest in being more social.
    9. If you haven’t already brought plants into your home, doing this and showing them love will begin to help you feel less alone and bring more of the feeling of love into your life.

    We hope this helps, Zsuzsanna. Love, Cynthia & Bob


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | December 10, 2013

  7. Hi Zsuzsanna,
    Thank you for your request for guidance. We imagine there are many people also having difficulty feeling like they have found a place in this world, and we expect the guidance for you will also help many other people. As soon as we can we’ll ask The Council for this guidance and let you know what they have to say. Love, Cynthia & Bob


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | December 9, 2013

  8. Dear Cynthia and Bob, dear Council

    Thank you for your Homepage and all the posts you do,

    Bealiza, my very good friend has finally found her place and is doing a very fine job. We still have a fine connection – but somehow I have feelings of loss. I know we had a lifetime together where we were separated and ask myself if this feeling comes from this past experience?
    On the other hand I see, that I am still looking for my place, my purpose and have the feeling of being alone and lost. These last weeks and days I feel a great sadness, cry a lot – and ask myself “where do I go from here?” without knowing what to do, where to go.
    For a very long time I have led a solitary life, got used to be alone with myself and with the help and compassion of Bealiza I was O.K. This seems to be over and I feel helpless and just sad and I ask myself – is this just self pity – or compassion with myself?
    I don’t know – and here I ask the Council to bring light into this situation and give me guidance how I can go on and find my place in this world.
    Thank you for your help – loving greetings


    Comment by Zsuzsanna Schrag | December 9, 2013

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