Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

Follow-up Questions on Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Recently we published a post titled, Whether to Leave an Abusive Relationship, answering Jolanda’s questions about her relationship with her husband. After reading that post Jolanda had some follow-up questions and the current post answers those questions.

Jolanda begins by saying she was inspired to ask her questions by listening to the teachings of Abraham and that prior to hearing these teachings she felt leaving her husband was her only option. But she’s heard Abraham repeatedly say something like the following:

“Don’t get out of a relationship until you can be strong and happy within yourself, no matter what is going on around you. If someone makes you go out of the Vortex, just get back in. Don’t let someone upset your ability to be happy and be in the Vortex.”

Jolanda says she resonates to this and realized her problem was really her difficulty being happy when her husband was unhappy. She adds:

“Abraham cautions that if we don’t get ourselves right before leaving a relationship, we’ll just get into the same type of relationship again and again, until we learn our lesson.”

Jolanda asks The Council’s opinion on this, considering their answers in the earlier post seemed to suggest it was her intention she find the strength to protect herself and her children by leaving her husband. She says:

“I know I haven’t learned how to be happy while others are unhappy, which is why I feel that my husband is the absolute best partner I could possibly have at this time, because he’s in my face every day, being unhappy with me, and pushing my buttons. What better way to learn to get happy no matter what is going on around me?”

The Council has a lot to say to Jolanda about her situation, but it boils down to the following quote:

“When you realize something is not bringing you joy (because that is what you are wishing to experience) then you have the ability to start making another choice, to start making a plan on how you would do this if you’re not ready to do this right now. But there is nowhere/anywhere where Abraham or any other spirit would say stay there if you are miserable. It’s like, stay there if you have to till you get the strength to make another choice.”

When the session was finished we did a Google search on “Abraham Hicks abusive relationship” to get Abraham’s views on this subject instead of Jolanda’s view of what Abraham was saying. What we came up with was a 7-minute YouTube video titled, “Is it time to leave?”, which we reproduce below. The woman speaking with Abraham is in a situation similar to Jolanda.

And while Abraham does emphasize the importance of working on yourself to improve your vibration before leaving a relationship so you don’t attract a similar relationship into your life, they add that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to take action. They say:

“The story we like best is: You’re sitting on a park bench and you’re feeling fear, and you don’t really know if there’s a monster in the bushes or if you just think there’s a monster in the bushes. And we say, in any event, move away from the monster.”

The Council appears to understand that Jolanda chose to be in this abusive relationship with her husband for the specific purpose of developing the strength in this lifetime to leave him and protect herself and her children. The Council adds more than once it’s Jolanda’s choice whether she actually leaves her husband on not, and they are merely reminding her of her pre-birth intention.

Listen to our entire 22-minute session with The Council (below) to hear Jolanda’s follow-up questions and The Council’s answers for her and anyone in a similar situation.

May 30, 2016 - Posted by | Abraham-Hicks, Audio Content, Challenges, Channeling, Choice, Law of Attraction, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships | , , , , ,


  1. Following


    Comment by Wai | February 4, 2021

  2. Hi, Tanya. We’re glad to hear that things get better in your marriage when you improve your vibration. We’ll ask The Council if it’s time to leave when we have time and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your question. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | October 12, 2019

  3. I want to ask The Council a question.I am in a marriage and we have a baby together. I don’t know whether it is time to leave. He lied and said insulting things. He apologizes ever time and he says he will change. I have been going back and forth for more than a year. I tell myself that I will leave but I will first improve my vibration then things get better for a bit. I understand that I am co-creating this reality with him but he did say the insults. Sometimes it feels that I am looking for a reason to stay.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Tanya | October 11, 2019

  4. Can I please ask the council a question? I was in an abusive relationship for two years that I recently broke up from, but we are still in some contact and I just can’t stop hurting because I really felt him as the love of my life. I gave him my all, but his jealousy and accusations, mental abuse and even at sometimes physical, destroyed the love that was so deep. He walked away leaving me heartbroken and my pain and anxiety is sky high.

    I can’t understand how I attracted him in to my life when I never ever have been in abusive relations before. I had been doing work on myself with positive affirmations to attract a loving, caring, faithful, honest man, but got the opposite. He stirred up so much insecurities within me and I became so wrapt up in him so every little shift in his mood made me alert. And my own jealousy woke up too strong because in my mind I feel that a person who behaves like this is probably the one doing the things he accuses me of. And instead of dealing with it, throws it at me, feeling better believing I’m the “bad one”.

    So how can I get over this deep, deep pain? I loved him and still do at a deep level and I gave him my all. And now I feel just dead inside and my health is also getting affected. I can’t sleep, just crying and praying for help.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Kristina | June 9, 2019

  5. Dear Cynthia, Bob and The Council,
    I was involved with an abusive man who had every characteristic of a narcissist. He would tell me one week he loved me, then the next week he would say that he did not. He eventually told me he did not want a relationship, however he did not want me to meet anyone else, threatened me and followed me everywhere. I found out he was seeing more than two other women at the same time he was involved with me and I also found out at least 70% of what he told me was not the truth. I have not had contact with him for a year and he cannot contact me, but he is trying every avenue to be able to contact me by other means. I never want to speak or see this man again as I had to deal with heartbreak, betrayal, grief and loss that resulted from being with him. I gave this man much love and affection but I cannot go through a situation like that again, and I no longer want to live in fear of this person. Why is he trying to contact me? Is it control? I do not want him to contact me. Does the council have any advice, please? Love and Light, M.


    Comment by Marie | June 11, 2016

  6. It sounds like Jolanda is hung up on the idea that she needs to stay in what she refers to as an abusive relationship, in order to heal things inside herself that keep drawing her to this same sort of relationship. With children involved, I wouldn’t stay a day longer than absolutely necessary. When children witness abuse, they are damaged by it. Get out and get counseling. You can absolutely heal things in you with regards to your choice of mates, when you are not living under the same roof. In fact, it will probably be easier if you’re not actively with the abuser. Because frankly, once you’ve healed why you would pick someone who doesn’t treat you well, you won’t tolerate them any longer because you will love, cherish, and respect yourself. When I learned to love, cherish, and respect myself, the standards I set for how I allow people to treat me changed. And they will for you (for the better). My hope and thoughts are with Jolanda.


    Comment by mariner2mother | June 7, 2016

  7. Dear Cynthia Bob and Council, I recieve your above responses with love and feel the love you are sending me, and I am very grateful for that. I feel it will take some time for me to work through these issues and the ideas and questions you have given to me. I’m not ready to take any leaps just yet, but your answers above have brought clarity for me and lots to think through. And I’m very grateful for your time and your responses. With lots of love and gratidude ❤ Jolanda

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Jolanda | May 31, 2016

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