Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

Help Leaving An Abusive Husband

This post is inspired by a follow-up question from a reader named Jolanda who wrote to us a few months ago about whether she should leave her abusive husband, and The Council advised her that she should leave because her husband wouldn’t change. They also said she should leave for the sake of her children. Jolanda says she’s spent these months trying to find a solution other than leaving, but she now sees her situation isn’t likely to get any better.

The Council says staying with her husband isn’t the direction she wanted to go in and they ask Jolanda not to give up hope on what she can create for herself. They ask if she believes she deserves better, and they say if she’s unable to live with this difficulty there’s another path to happiness. They suggest she look for the courage to pursue this happiness, and they add there’s no rush. Jolanda will get where she wants when she’s more comfortable within herself and researched how she’ll make her life work without being with her husband. She’s still in the beginning stage.

Jolanda says she thought she’d be married for the rest of her life and can barely imagine living without her husband. And The Council asks how she expects to change this situation when she’s unable to imagine the change.

The Council reminds Jolanda that to create a better situation she needs to continually focus on what she desires. If she goes through this situation day after day and doesn’t focus on what she desires because it’s difficult to see a better way, her situation will remain unchanged.

The Council says if Jolanda is unable to find it in her heart to leave her husband, the lesson here is still finding courage. While she is still in this relationship she doesn’t have to take abuse, which she has created, from her husband. Put herself and her children first. Learn to be protected.

The Council sees Jolanda has a lot of work to get to the point where she can focus on how she’d like to live her life. The lesson can be learned, but instead of feeling hopeless she needs to change her thinking. However long this takes, she’ll find a way to do this.

What can she do to find happiness for herself and her children while she remains in this situation? When she goes into a vibration of happiness, the abusive vibration will not match her happiness and won’t continue to bother her. Eventually it will stop.

The Council says Jolanda needs to take her focus off how horrible her situation is and change her thoughts. It’s her spiritual job right now to find a way to bring the love and happiness into her home.

The Council finishes with a reminder there’s nothing more powerful than your higher self. Think of yourself as a great spirit and warrior that has picked a tremendous challenge to go through, and you knew you could do this. There isn’t anything more powerful than your higher self. Pay attention to this part of you. Use the tools you’ve been given and keep focusing on the life you desire.

Listen to our entire 16-minute session with The Council (below) to hear all of their guidance for Jolanda and the rest of us. And let us know what you think.

November 11, 2016 - Posted by | Audio Content, Challenges, Channeling, Desire, Marriage, Questions & Answers, Spirit | , , , , ,


  1. Following!


    Comment by Wai | February 4, 2021

  2. Hi, Amy. We’ll be happy to ask The Council whether your life’s purpose is to help save your husband from himself even after you’re divorced and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your question. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | September 26, 2020

  3. Dear Bob, Cynthia and The Council,
    I have listened to your responses to Jolanda from 4 years ago regarding her turmoil over leaving an abusive husband, and now in hindsight I can tell this was for me. I wish I heard this 4 years ago, but I probably would not have heard it I shared every emotion, felt every pain of the abusive relationship she spoke of the struggle of leaving. I spent 10 years of my life feeling that inner hell, trying to live with it or fix it for the sake of my children, my career, my house, money, the life we built, fear that I would be less happy alone than in an abusive relationship, on and on and on. I placed one obstacle in front of another giving myself a reason to stay -I lived in fear and obsessed about the incredible emotional abuse, and his substance abuse that I was allowing myself and our kids to be subjected to day in and day out. I spoke of nothing else to my friends and therapist, I was living in the past and in the moment, like a never ending loop. I was so deeply broken, but nothing ever changed. I married this man for love (it is truly the only thing that he offered and the only thing I needed) and watching that love turn into what it did was wretched – and for quite a long time, I thought I was being punished and this was my fate for past regrets. Thank God I found teachers such as yourself, Abraham and several others and over the last 18 months I feel like I have come so far. I am in the process of divorce, I am at peace with it, and I can’t wait to see how my next chapter unfolds. What used to feel hopeless now feels limitless. I feel so blessed to be in this place emotionally. I am ok with not knowing and surrendering, and dreaming big. I don’t feel the abuse like I used to at all, I can’t even conjure the same emotion and we are living together through this divorce – it feels far away from me now and I am starting to see the lessons that he has taught me. If only I had tuned into this frequency 10 years ago, perhaps I would have been able to save this relationship. I don’t believe he has changed, he has expressed no interest and put no effort into change. He has substance abuse issues that I have tried to help him overcome, but because he does not do this work for himself and he truly has no desire to end this cycle. He suffered great loss in a short amount of time. In the first 5 years of our marriage he lost his father. mother and sister to cancer we got married, built a house and had a baby. He never recovered because he refuses to get help to recover from the grief and it has made him a bitter person. Through mediation, I am truly trying to “see” him and I feel sorry for what I see because I don’t think he loves himself.

    I guess my question to The Council is this- is my purpose in life to help him, to save him from himself? I struggled with this for a very long time. My belief was that if the tables were turned and I was the one with addiction and mental health issues,and was unable to help myself, I pray that the people in my life that love me would take every measure to help me recover. I have tried to help him, but not to the extent I would for my child. I have been paralyzed in this marriage for the last 10+ years. I can’t turn back now because I am so excited to create my next chapter – but he is the father of my children, he adores them, he is a good man, and I know his heart. He is controlling and abusive, He also packs lunches, rides bikes, plays and snuggles. I know how confusing this was for me, and I know this is confusing for our kids. Until just a few months ago, I felt i had a form of Stockholm syndrome. I am moving forward with divorce, but in the somewhere down deep, I feel like I failed him and our children on some level, because I have been down this rat hole with him before, 10 years ago we were in a similar place, our kids were very young- he asked me to give our marriage another chance,and I did – and for a while it was good. I knew I had outgrown him, and I knew this behavior would eventfully resurface because he has done no work, but I took it one day at a time and I promised myself I would never take that trip with him again. It’s been about 3 years now that he has been in this bad place. I sent him to counseling and rehab, it didn’t stick. Then my mom fell ill and passed away in a short amount of time, and he made that so much more difficult. He said and did some things during that time that are truly despicable. That was really the catalyst for me. The pain brought me to a spiritual awakening and I am so thankful. That was 2 years ago. Is this guilt? Please advise. With much love and appreciation, Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by amy sullivan | September 21, 2020

  4. Hi, Jolanda. When we have time we’ll ask The Council your additional questions about your relationship with your husband and post The Council’s response as soon as it’s ready. Love, Bob & Cynthia.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | November 12, 2016

  5. Glad you like the reading and you understand your situation better. Thanks for your appreciation.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | November 12, 2016

  6. Ps, I wonder (if you have time), if you could explain the strong feelings of attachment, obligation and protection I have towards him? I feel like this whole relationship has been guided by this magnetic pull, which went against my own knowing and allowed me to ignore so many warning signs. All because I felt an intense need to protect and care for him.

    I thought this must be caused by some very powerful past life issues between us, which have brought us together and kept us together despite so many odds. But you say we had a pre-birth plan to do this. Could it be that the plan is the cause of all these strong feelings in me? Or is there more to if, as I believe there is?

    I’m not sure if I believe in karma any more, but it feels “karmic”, if you know what I mean. If it is karmic, will we resolve these issues in this lifetime?

    And do you see me finding true happiness? My life had been nothing but a relationship battleground so far. I would really like to finally experience the peace, harmony and true love that I feel I deserve.

    With much love again,


    Comment by Jolanda | November 11, 2016

  7. To the Council: Wow, thank you so much for your amazing powerful reply. I hear it and feel exactly what you mean. I feel very blessed to have “spoken” with you, and I understand now so much better the situation I’m in and what I need to do next.

    Funny enough, a little over 24 hours ago, possibly while this reading was taking place, a great feeling of knowing came over me which conveyed this exact message to me (but in much less detail). So reading this now, and hearing your words just gives me extra confirmation and clarification.

    Thank you so so much, and thank you for your blessing at the end.

    To Cynthia and Bob, thank you for choosing to answer yet another one of my questions. I’m deeply grateful for what you do.

    Much love to all of you, hugs and kisses from me!


    Comment by Jolanda | November 11, 2016

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