Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

The Influence Our Thoughts & Feelings Have on Other People’s Experience

This post is a response to a question from a reader named Bari who wants to believe her better-feeling thoughts about her boyfriend will create better-feeling experiences of the two of them together, as taught by the spirit guides Abraham. But when her boyfriend repeats behaviors that contrast her better-feeling thoughts, Bari wonders how much of an impact her thoughts and feelings are really able to have on the experience of her boyfriend, or anyone else, and she asks The Council’s opinion on this.

This post is the third in a series based on comments from The Council during a single session on Sunday, April 15, 2012 to answer three thought-provoking questions from Bari and Rachael. Reincarnation and past lives were the subjects of the first post, and the second post, in this series.

Helping Others with Our Thoughts

Part way through reading Bari’s second question, The Council offered the following initial comments:

“In the non-physical it is sometimes planned: ‘At some point in my life I will meet you on Earth in the physical. And if I am going through something difficult and I can’t remember who I really am, will you remind me by your thoughts? By your thoughts I will feel that energetic change. I will feel the positive vibration that you are thinking.’ And then, of course, it is up to the [other] person to tune into it and expand with it.

“And so your thoughts go out, whether positive or negative. And the soul you are working with or you are in partnership with feels that vibration.

“And so if they are depressed or they are not accomplishing what they want to accomplish, your positive thought vibration is there and it sort of kick-starts them, but you can not control what they do.

“It’s [as if] you hold the light; you hold the remembrance of who they really are for them. And then, if they allow it, they will feel that and they will move forward.

“But when you have positive thoughts or negative [thoughts] about someone, in your experience that’s how you will experience them. Is that clear?”

–The Council (similarly formatted text throughout this post indicates quotations from The Council

Our thoughts are capable of influencing the experience of other people, but not control their experience. This idea and the idea our experience of other people depends on how we think about them is developed further as the session continues.

Everything Is Allowed

I finished reading Bari’s question to The Council and I commented that her situation seems like one experienced by many students of deliberate creation who are in a relationship:

  1. A desire for a partner behave differently.
  2. Thinking better-feeling thoughts about the partner in order to experience the partner behaving as desired.
  3. Noticing the partner continue to behave in a way that’s in contrast to what is desired, feeling frustrated about this, and wondering why it’s not working.

The Council replied:

“Well Number One, what we teach is: Everything is allowed.

“You have this person in your life because it is something you both wanted. And [no matter] how you experience them, [and] how they are handing their life – love allows everything. And so with a positive thought you will see, in your life, things begin to change with this person.

“Now sometimes there are episodes where it is very good, and then it’s not good. And as you would say: this is life. But the more you can see things in a better light, it not only shows up in your life, it does vibrationally help the other person.

“If you can stay positive – and if you can’t do it on that particular subject or about that particular person, if you can think of a happy memory or a happy fantasy or something completely different that raises your vibration – you are expanding and that high vibration will begin to change your life. You will see changes in that person.

“And if you take the time to go back and see where there have been positive changes and remember that instead of focusing on what maybe is so frustrating right now, you again will experience more of what you choose to focus on.

Everything is allowed because love allows everything. Love allows everything because true love is unconditional love – love without conditions or limits. Seeing things in a better-feeling way helps it become real in your life and vibrationally helps your partner. If you have difficulty finding better-feeling thoughts about your partner, find them about something else; your life will improve and you’ll see desirable improvement in your partner. Dwelling on feelings of frustration attracts more feelings of frustration.

I Will Hold the Light for You

In The Council’s next comment they speak from the point of view of one partner to another, as an example of the influence our thoughts can have on someone else’s experience:

“I [partner] will hold the light for you [other partner]. I will expand; I will feel better with better thoughts [and] better memories, and as I grow, that expansion will also help you. And in turn, you will see the change in your life.”

Stay with a Better-Feeling Thought to See the Change You Desire

I commented to The Council they seem to be saying Bari is more likely to experience her relationship desires if she first finds genuine feelings of allowing her boyfriend’s unwanted behaviors, rather than focusing on how she wants him to be and then feeling frustrated when he isn’t.

“So you allow. And when you notice the person is not doing what you think would make them a better person, or make them feel better (or whatever), the frustration does not allow you to see this happen.

“To stay with the thought, to stay seeing [and] feeling how happy you are when this person begins to [behave the way you desire] – for you to see the change in your life, you allow them to be how they are and think, ‘I know you can be this other way. I see this for you,’ [and] you will experience it in your reality.”

Different Realities

I asked The Council about situations where someone desires changes in their partner, but the partner has different desires for their life.

“In the partner’s reality they will not make the changes. In your reality you will see it.

I asked The Council to elaborate.

“In your reality you are there with your partner and you are creating your reality. And there is another part of him [your partner] that has a reality, and he will create in that reality what he wishes to experience.

These comments reminded me of previous discussions with The Council on the fascinating (and not so easy to understand) subject of multiple realities. Rather than pursue this subject further during the current session it seemed better to focus on a simpler answer to Bari’s question. We look forward to a better understanding of multiple realities in the future and to sharing this understanding with readers in future blog posts.

A New Way of Thinking

I commented The Council sounded like they were saying the more we notice in our physical reality what we don’t want, the less likely we are to experience what we do want.

“Exactly.” they replied.

“No matter what you see, no matter what the situation is, with your thoughts and your feelings you can change it all. You will experience what you wish to experience.”

“It’s [a] very new [way of thinking] for many people. That is why we are out there, so many of us in the non-physical, bringing this message.”

There’s a Spirit in There

I asked The Council how Bari and the rest of us can stay more focused on what’s wanted and not get so distracted and frustrated by what we notice in our physical experience.

“There is one experience, and what [you] need to remember is: that person that I am dealing with is a spirit in that physical body, and that alone begins to give you the strength to deal with whatever you’re dealing with.

“It’s another spirit and they are going through whatever they decided to go through trying to find their way. And they are trying to bring in the light and the love because this is what we all planned when we decided to come here.

“So maybe that person is stuck and if you can truly believe and feel that this person is not just that person standing there [and you are thinking]:  ‘That idiot, this moron, why is this person not growing?’ There’s a spirit in there. And there is love in there. And you are [spiritually] connected to that idiot [laughter].

“Certainly we urge you all to keep the faith, bring the light in, hold the light for your person and just allow. And just by allowing and not fighting it, and seeing what you wish to see, and feeling it and knowing: I’m spirit, they are spirit, [and] we’re trying to have this experience. We decided to come in here to bring love and light and higher vibration and to change so that we all have a great experience [and] that we’re not miserable in this life.

“When you can begin to think of these things over and over again you will do exactly what you planned to do when you came here.”

Session Highlights

Highlights of our session with The Council on Bari and Rachael’s questions include the following ideas and reminders:

  1. As spiritual beings, we are living multiple simultaneous realities (sometimes thought of as past lives) and there is the potential to access resources from these other realities and benefit from them in what we think of as our present lifetime.
  2. As spirit, we choose to come into a physical body for the spiritual expansion our physical experience inspires, and out of love for all spiritual beings who feel the joy of this expansion.
  3. All spiritual beings continually look for ways to help each other experience the expansion we all desire.
  4. Our awareness of our feelings is an important part of our expansion.
  5. The better we understand who we are as spiritual beings, the easier it becomes to use our thoughts, our feelings, and our focus of attention to create better-feeling life experiences.
  6. Our physical body doesn’t need to die in order for us to experience who we are as a spiritual being.
  7. Our thoughts and feeling are able to influence other people’s experience, but not control them
  8. Love allows everything.

Thank you again, Bari and Rachael for your questions that inspired the session with The Council that resulted in this very informative and good-feeling series of three blog posts.

Let Us Know What You Think

We hope you’ve benefited from the information in this post and we’d love to know what you think of this material. Look for a Comment box or a Comment link below this post and feel free to let us know if you have questions about ideas mentioned in this post, ideas in other posts, or topics we haven’t written about yet. We look forward to hearing from you.

May 5, 2012 - Posted by | Abraham-Hicks, Expansion, Feelings, Love, Multiple Realities, Part of a Series, Questions & Answers, Relationships, You Create Your Reality | , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. We agree.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | June 4, 2012

  2. If you ever wondered what life is really all about, it’s about the joy of manifesting your non-physical creations into your physical experience.


    Comment by las artes | June 3, 2012

  3. Hi Joe,
    Thanks for your interesting questions about your relationship with your two sons. We expect there are many parents with similar feelings who might benefit from your question and guidance from The Council on this subject. Until we ask The Council and post their response, here are some thoughts based on our understanding of what The Council has been telling us.

    Regarding your supposition, “If we come here as Spirit to learn lessons about love…,” according to a recent session with The Council (described in the post, Reincarnation, Part 2 – Why We Incarnate in a Physical Body), we don’t come so much to learn lessons. The Council says we come to just experience physical reality because it inspires spiritual expansion for ourselves and all spirit, and our love for all spiritual beings and ourselves inspires us to have a physical experience.

    We realize this may not be very clear, but unless the idea of learning lessons (about love, or anything else) feels really good to you, you may find it helpful to contemplate or meditate on the distinction between learning lessons about love and experiencing the feeling of love.

    Regarding your role versus your sons’ roles in the story of your life, we’ve heard The Council (and other spirit guides like Abraham) say that your role is to create the story of your life and their role is to create the story of their lives, and each of you has the choice to let each other be part of that story (or not be a part).

    Again, we realize this may not be clear or simple, but if it’s even a slightly better-feeling way of thinking about your situation, you may be pleasantly surprised by your improved vibration and the better-feeling experiences it attracts into your life.

    We agree with you it’s dizzying to think everyone’s lives are discussed, pre-planned, and put together before we come into physical reality. The Council does say a certain amount of what we think of as pre-planning can occur, and they also say this in no way diminishes our free will in any moment to come up with new plans.

    It could take a few weeks to publish a post on your questions, so please be patient. You may want to consider subscribing to our blog. That way you would receive an email notification when we publish a post. You can unsubscribe easily at any time.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | May 13, 2012

  4. Hello,
    My name is Joe. I sort of happened upon this site and have been reading the posts, etc. I find the subjects very intriguing. Actually, after reading everything I was inspired enough to ask a question that has sort of plagued me for awhile now. I am a divorced father of two teenage sons who for lack of better way of putting it, have a strained relationship with me at this time. The long and the short of it is that I was a very nurturing, involved father in their formative years (though i will admit I was probably more permissive as my nature is to be loving and nonconfrontational). That being said, my divorce was, and still is, contentious at best. During the four plus years that this has been going on my attempts to have a relationship with them did not work, I believe, in part, because I was not able to set limits for fear that they would push away from me. Well, ultimately, I needed to push away from them for a time because their way of treating me was really abusive. So, my fear came true. However, over the past year of having limited contact with them I have learned a bit more about respecting myself and why this tact was really necessary for my self preservation and for the hope that they will begin to meet me in the middle (when they are ready to grow). My question is this…if we come here as Spirit to learn lessons about love how am I to understand my role in this “story” vs. their role(s)? If we supposedly preplan before we come in with our “Soul Group” the different ways that things may happen, then is this process one that they agreed to help me learn, or I agreed to help them learn, or both? Is it then not true that if I had learned certain lessons earlier in my life then this part of these lessons would not have taken place? It seems so difficult to imagine even how one life (say mine) would be discussed, planned, and put together before coming here, but if then each of us have these plans as well…the idea is dizzying. I hope that Council (and you both) can help me tease out some basic understanding of how I can view these lessons both from my perpective and from those of my sons’.
    Thank you, in advance, for your help and insights.


    Comment by Anonymous | May 11, 2012

  5. Thanks Pat.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | May 10, 2012

  6. good session


    Comment by Anonymous | May 5, 2012

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