Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

Is My Life Purpose to Save My Husband from Himself?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Amy, after she read a post we wrote called, “Help Leaving an Abusive Husband“. Amy says she wishes she read that post four years ago, but I probably wouldn’t have understood it then. I shared every emotion and felt every pain of the abusive relationship this woman spoke of about the struggle of leaving. I spent ten years of my life trying to live with this inner hell or fix it for the sake of my children, my career, my house, fear I’d be less happy alone than in an abusive relationship, and on and on. I placed one obstacle in front of another giving myself a reason to stay. I lived in fear and obsessed about the emotional abuse and my husband’s substance abuse I was allowing myself and my children to be subjected to day in and day out.

The Council says it’s wonderful you can look back and see what you allowed to happen. Now you can see how your marriage affected you and your children.

Amy says she spoke of nothing else to my friends and my therapist. For a long time I thought I was being punished and this was my fate. The Council says they hope you realize there was no one punishing you. It was an experience you needed to have and to work through, to see it and go forward with your life from where you are.

Amy says thank God I found teachers like you, Abraham, and several others. Over the last 18 months I feel I have come so far. I’m in the process of divorce, at peace with it, and I can’t wait to see how the next chapter of my life unfolds. What used to feel hopeless now feels limitless. I’m okay with not knowing, surrendering, and having big dreams. I don’t feel the abuse like I used to. It feels far away from me now and I’m starting to see the lessons my husband taught me. If only I made these changes ten years ago perhaps I’d have been able to save my marriage.

The Council says you couldn’t save this marriage on your own. These were experiences you wanted to have. Now that you’ve gone through it and experienced the challenges and the hardship you wanted, now you’re able to change your life.

Amy says through meditation I’m trying to see my husband and I feel sorry for what I see because I don’t think he loves himself. The Council says the emotion of feeling sorry for your husband doesn’t do either of you any good. You need to send your husband love and light even if you don’t agree with what he’s going through or how he handles it. These are his lessons.

Amy asks The Council if her life purpose is to help her husband and save him from himself. The Council says no, it’s not. One of the things you agreed to before coming into this lifetime was to help your husband with his challenges, watch him, see what he’s going through, and learn from these experiences. You didn’t agree to save him. What you’re supposed to do is send light and love. You can’t get your husband to change. This is something he has to come to in his own time. Helping and understanding doesn’t mean staying in an abusive relationship. Send him the energy that’ll help push him through his challenges if and when he’s ready. That’s your purpose.

Amy says I feel like I failed my husband and our children on some level because I’ve been down this road with him before. The Council says you haven’t failed your husband or your children. Remember, in spirit before you came into this lifetime, you, your husband, and your children agreed to experience what you’ve been going through. They’re all lessons you wanted to experience. Know you’re on the right path. How you handle what you experience will make it change for you. It will help you to see it in a different way and help you move through it.

Amy says my Mom fell ill and passed away and my husband made this time very difficult. That was the catalyst for me. The pain brought me to a spiritual awakening and I’m now so thankful. The Council says we’d like you to pay attention to what you’ve said, which is the pain that brought you to a spiritual awakening. The pain did what it was supposed to do.

Amy says that was two years ago and asks The Council if this is guilt. The Council says of course this is guilt. It’s part of the human condition, but it’s not necessary. Remember that you, your children, and your husband are spirit and you’ve all agreed to create the drama that’s been going on. How you look at this and change it, and how you look forward with thoughts of happiness that you can create whatever you need to create is what’s important right now. Always send each other light and help them, but accept them as they are.

If your husband doesn’t behave the way you’d like him to behave, it’s because he’s still working on his challenges. Your husband isn’t in your life to meet what you expect from him. Wish him well, send him love, and hopefully when he’s ready, he’ll move through his challenges.

Listen to the entire 12-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Amy and the rest of us and let us know what you feel about it, or ask your own question.

If you like this post please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.

November 27, 2020 - Posted by | Agreement, Audio Content, Challenges, Channeling, Love, Marriage, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | , , , , ,


  1. Hi Bob & Cynthia, it’s me again! I am so grateful to have your guidance, thank you for your help. I must sound like a broken record, I know I feel like one. I guess it’s been close to 6 months since the last time I wrote about my never-ending divorce – and it’s still in limbo. It’s been 2 years!! But now there are other changes that lead me to wonder what I am being freed up to do. I love my job. I have been with the same company for over 20yrs. Every day I give thanks that I get to do work that I care about with people I love and get paid well to do it. I have been at this company since the doors opened it is my first baby. I am an individual contributor, not an owner or executive I just get to do what I love to do and what I am good at, and they let me do my thing without struggle. This has been the part of my life that is in direct contrast to my marriage and it has been a godsend truly. There are days I want to pinch myself and I am not alone in that thought, we are all fortunate. It is unusual that people stay put this long in the industry, but many of us have stayed for all of these years and we function like a family, chosen family. There is meaning and purpose and respect. The company has a conscience and ‘do no harm’ is really the first priority. But my company was unexpectedly acquired in the fall and we are all fighting the changes but the new owners have a different value set, and for those of us with an emotional attachment to the work and the clients we help, it’s an uphill battle with the new owners that I don’t think we are going to win. It feels like it’s falling away and perhaps it’s time, the friendships will not end – but why? What is the path clearing for? For 20 years I have been in the same relationship, same house, same job. As much as I meditate and try to look with-in, I don’t know what’s happening here. My divorce is just stuck. We can’t even get dates on the court calendar, my husband’s divorce attorney barely participates, it is just strange. He forced the sale of our vacation home knowing it would hurt me, but then never made effort to collect his half of the proceeds when money was the only thing he seemed to be interested in. I don’t have control over a court calendar, I can’t make his lawyer participate, and the decision to sell my company was not something I could participate in. I feel that I am not in control of these changes, and this timeline – but I don’t feel out of control. it’s ok. I am not miserable, I just want to move on. My husband and I still live in the same house (separate areas) which means I get to spend every day with my kids rather than sharing custody. I still support him financially and as much as I would like to stop doing that – I can’t without consequences in court – the alimony will be double the cost – if we ever get there. I feel stuck because I can’t walk away from him/ my responsibilities, but it’s ok. With everything happening in the world, this doesn’t feel urgent. What the heck is going on? Thank you again for your insight, reading previous responses is very helpful. Love and light to you both.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by amy | April 26, 2022

  2. Hi, Amy. We’ll answer your questions for The Council about your divorce as soon as we can and we’ll post an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready. Thanks for your question. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | November 17, 2021

  3. Hello Bob, Cynthia & the Council,

    A full year later and it is as if time has stood still. My divorce is no further than it was a full year ago at this time. I have tried everything to move this forward, but my husband is intent to head to trial, with so much to lose. The challenges that he has faced with emotional abuse and substance abuse will now play out in court publically and it is possible that he could lose custody of our kids. That’s not what I wanted for him, but he watches TV all day every day and on TV you don’t see reasonable people dismantling their lives gracefully with their children at the center. I feel that I have been fair and tried so hard to settle this fairly and quietly for the sake of our children, but there is something blocking this divorce. We still live together, I am still supporting him, and he refuses to work.

    I can see what my life looks like with my children on the other side of this divorce so clearly. I have deepened my relationship with myself over the last year and I am anxiously awaiting the change and the experience it will bring to my family overall. I have been getting ready to get ready, as Abraham Hicks teaches, and I feel good.

    Surprising to most people, I feel no animosity toward him. Our life is far more peaceful than it ever was before, living without the emotion and intensity our marriage held. We are co-parents living in the same house and it feels a little like a dress rehearsal!

    I have recently come to the point where I have stopped trying to control the outcome and given up on the timeline. Right now I get to be with my children every day while this divorce works itself out. I am grateful for every minute with them in the same house. Having said that, it is time for me to move on. I feel a strong pull to something else. I have no idea really what that is, so this is exciting (nervous excitement).

    There is not another love interest or even a thought of one, or a friend or family member pulling me along, so I know this is a different calling. I may have mentioned previously that the universe takes care of my husband. Life just happens for him. He just seems to walk through life carelessly with no consequence. No matter how badly he treats people or screws up, someone picks up the slack. It’s as if you can see him being carried.

    I know we all have a higher power watching over us. It’s just easy to see with him he is always taken care of no matter how bad his behavior is or how much he alienates friends and family. I can’t be that person for him anymore, I need to move on, but I feel a block and I can’t seem to clear it.

    Can you please help? I appreciate your guidance through this long process. I truly feel grateful to be able to ask you these questions. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Amy | November 16, 2021

  4. Hi, StrugglingMom. Good question. We imagine many of our readers can relate. We’ll ask The Council when we have time and we’ll post an audio recording as soon as it’s ready. Love and light, Bob & Cynthia


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | February 13, 2021

  5. This sparked the question whether my purpose is to help my children especially my oldest son, in this life and how. Did we have past lives together or lessons to learn now because our relationship is so tough and I am struggling to be the mom he and they need. I don’t know whether to push him or just leave him and let him fail when he refuses to go to school or do the work. Do I punish and force control or just let him be which makes me feel guilty as it feels like I’m taking the easy way out and path of least resistance and not being the “mom”.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by StrugglingMom | February 13, 2021

  6. We agree, Eyliza. Thanks so much for your comment.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | December 18, 2020

  7. Such a great article! I can definitely relate to Amy, but I also share parts of her ex-husband within me that I find relatable too. Amy definitely was suppose to experience what she experienced, not for burden, but for evolution – and to use that as further growth. With love to both ūü§ć

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by EYLIZA | December 18, 2020

  8. Remember, Amy, The Council says your husband isn’t in your life to meet your expectations. They also say how you handle what you experience will make it change for you. It will help you to see it in a different way and help you move through it. If you feel defeated this will probably make it more difficult for you to move through what you’re experiencing. We know it may be difficult for you, but we recommend trying to reconnect with the feeling of your big dreams. Try to get in touch with feeling the way you want your life to be rather than focusing on the difficulty. You chose to go through this difficulty in order to find your inner strength. We hope this helps.


    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | December 1, 2020

  9. Bob, Cynthia & The Council, Thank you so very much for this very detailed response, I truly appreciate the feedback. Since writting this I feel as though I have (fallen) to a less conected state – not for lack of trying! The divorce process is not progressing – he is wasting hard earned money manipulating legal proceedings. I feel deflated and on the way to being defeated. He is putting his needs ahead of our childrens and I don’t know who the selfish, self-centered, nasty person is that I am dealing with. I wish I could understand why I need to go through this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by amy | November 30, 2020

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