Ask The Council

What will you ask Spirit?

Help Me With My 3-Year Relationship With A Lying Drug Addict

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Carovana.

Carovana: I’m in a 3-year relationship with a drug addict, but the real problem is that he constantly lies.

Council: What have you learned about this drug addict and his lying? How do you handle this? Are you trying to change this person? You can’t do that. Can you be more understanding? Yes, you can understand, but there’s a time when you need to just watch this person and let them be who they are and then decide what you’ll do with this knowledge.

Carovana: He wants to appear different from what he really is, what he really does, and what he thinks. He twists facts and reality for his own benefit, and no matter how smart I am, he continues to try and deceive me.

Council: Are you tiring yourself out by trying to show this person you’re really smart and you know what he’s doing? We’d suggest you just let this person be, and then decide if you want to be around him. That’s all. You won’t change this person.

Carovana: I developed panic attacks due to the frequent state of restlessness and anxiety in which I’m thrown by his behavior, and we constantly fight. He doesn’t act this way solely to cover his drug abuse. His game spreads much wider and deeper. He’s also obscenely incoherent. His words go South and his actions go North.

Council: You can stay with this man if you can understand how he is and not believe what he says. Offer love and understanding. But to be in the relationship and saying to yourself, “I must show him that I know what’s going on, I must show him that I’m smart,” that’s not the purpose of this relationship.

The purpose of this relationship is to allow someone to be. It’s for you to allow others, and not just this person, but look at the years when you were growing up with your friends and family. Did you allow them just to be and then learn from it? And did this allow you to be just as you want to be, being in a place of love and peacefulness? Can you do that for yourself?

This was your mission, so to speak, in your current lifetime. Just to accept everyone and what they’re doing, and sending love and light to them to help them grow. But not to forcefully try to show them, “I know what you’re doing. You can’t fool me,” and tire yourself out. It’s just the purpose of being there, and most of all, just being yourself. That’s what this relationship is supposed to teach you.

When you see that someone is really one way and pretending to be another, do you do that? Do you do that to please people and to have them think of you differently? It’s a mirror effect. And so we say, just allow.

Carovana: The reason I stayed in this relationship so long is that another side of him, very prominent, is that he’s incredibly loving and sweet. He chose me as the woman of his life, tells me I’m the woman of his dreams, and is extremely attached and devoted to me. It’s almost morbid. This makes it really difficult to break up with him and in fact, all my attempts have failed. I’m also in a very lonely phase of my life so I lack the social support and the favorable environment that would make it easier to move on.

I can’t explain or comprehend this duality in him. He lost his mother when he was nine years old, but it’s not a good excuse to act this way now that he’s 36 years old. I hope The Council can shed some light on him, on us, and on me. I’d be very thankful.

Council: There are lessons for this man to learn, starting with his childhood and moving into adulthood. Not feeling safe enough for him to be who he really wants to be, he doesn’t know how, the role model wasn’t there, and the understanding of just being wasn’t there. Instead he chose to pretend because there’s no acceptance of himself.

With you there, if you can accept this man the way he is, you are the role model. You’re the role model by setting your boundaries, by not believing everything that’s said, but by understanding that everything that’s said is out of fear and nonacceptance of yourself. Once you can do that and not knock yourself out to understand it or change this person, it will change, because now you’re looking at it differently. And when you look at something differently, it will change.

See the relationship the way you want it to be. First concentrate on yourself. Accept yourself, and then look around you, and not at just this person, but others that come in and out of your life. And when you learn you have choices, you have the ability to bring into your life what you want. When you focus on that, it must happen.


Listen to the entire 7-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Carovana and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it. You can ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.

If you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know Thanks.

June 10, 2022 - Posted by | Acceptance, Audio Content, Channeling, Love, Questions & Answers, Relationships | , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. Thanks again for your question, Carovana, and for your greetings.

    Like

    Comment by Cynthia & Bob | June 13, 2022

  2. Thank you Bob, Cynthia and The Council. I have so much to meditate about now…
    I surely have to change perspective because i’m exhausted! And desire tranquillity.
    Greetings from the other side of the planet

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Carovana | June 12, 2022


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