Ask The Council

Is It Time To Separate From My Husband?

This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Confused and Sad, who says, I’ve been married for close to 30 years. The last few years have had me reflect on how different my husband and I are, and how much we’ve grown apart. It seems our history and our finances are the main reason we’re still together. My husband is a good man, but we have very little, if anything, in common. We rarely agree on anything and this makes me very sad. I feel in my heart we’d both be happier apart, and perhaps have a chance to find a true partner who can make us happy.

The Council says the pre-planning of this marriage in spirit comes from a lifetime where you were both married to other people and you were very mean and selfish with your partners. You felt stuck in these marriages. You didn’t know each other in that life, but there was always the thought to find someone better. You thought you were with people who weren’t pretty, weren’t handsome, weren’t intelligent, people that made you feel closed in, or had nothing in common with you. And both your spirits were willing to work on the same issues so you decided to do it together in your current lifetime.

When you came into your current life it was to come together and learn how to accept who the other person is, whatever their issues were. You wanted to learn how to allow someone to be different. You don’t have to have all these things in common. You wanted to learn how to love yourself and not to look for someone new that would make you happy and feel loved. You must love yourself.

And then you took it a step further and you decided that because you were so selfish and mean in your past life, in your current life when you learned how to accept your spouse for who they were, you were going to try to help them feel good about themself. You were going to take the focus off of you and how miserable you felt, and how this person wasn’t making you happy, and try to do something for this other person,. and give of yourself. And in that you’d feel the change within yourself, and you’d feel better and more love for yourself.

At first we imagine this may be difficult, but when you see you’re focusing on the other person and allowing them to take in this beautiful energy you’re sending by trying to do something for them, or just the energy of letting them be who they are, what you’re looking for in other people you’ll find in yourselves. When you find it in yourselves, you’ll realize both of you created this situation in this marriage. You’re exactly where you need to be to realize: How can I fix this? I love this person, but I don’t, because there’s someone who’d be prettier or handsomer, someone that would give me more attention, someone that would make me feel happier than I am. All of this love comes from within you, not from another person.

When you ask yourself to be nicer, to be understanding, to say to yourself, Today let me do this for this person or with this person, knowing it’s something that person likes, you will be so proud of yourself, and the feeling you want to have in a marriage will return. It will not only return, but it will be better than it was.

Confused says, We’ve both tried to make each other happy for the sake of the children and family, but we’re just two very different people. The Council says, Isn’t that wonderful. Look at what you can learn from being two totally different people.

Confused says, We’re both scared to leave because we’re all each other has known for so many years. The Council says of course the feeling of being scared will come up because you know this isn’t what you wanted. You don’t want to flee your marriage. You didn’t plan to go off and find something else. You both created this situation so you could grow within yourself and for each other.

Confused says, I know we’re both confused and scared because separation or divorce can be just as difficult as staying together. The Council says if you were to do this and move on, the happiness you’re looking for you won’t find somewhere else. It’s within this marriage, it’s within yourselves that you wanted to grow and learn, and you will feel this.

Confused says, I’ve tried to figure out why we would have chosen each other, what lessons we were supposed to learn. Is it finally time to move on and co-create the life we’d both like to live? And perhaps find true love with a partner more suited for each of us that can make us happy?. The Council says this other partner you’re looking for will be no different because you both planned to live your life this way.

Confused says, We do try and communicate and work things out, but our thought processes are just so completely different. The Council says, Isn’t it wonderful?. Do you stop and wonder what your spouse is thinking of? Do you try to understand it? Do you try and see it? And you don’t have to agree with each other. That’s the most wonderful thing. You can still have your beliefs and your ways of thinking, but how interesting it would be to see how your spouse’s mind works. And you can learn much from this. Let go of being rigid and thinking we have different ideas. What can you learn from this? Maybe it would be fun for you to think this way. Or maybe you can learn from thinking this way. It’s all opportunities in front of you.

If you feel you don’t want to stay in this marriage, it’s always your choice. You’ll create it again because the lessons you want to learn are right here. All the opportunities are right here for you.

Confused says, Our thought processes are just so completely different that it never ends well. We just seem to see things completely differently. The Council says, And so you argue and you fight because you don’t agree because you think differently. When you go to school the teacher thinks differently than a student. The student in the back of the room could be thinking differently than a student in the front. You don’t fight over this. You listen and learn from it. But most important, you allow the person to be who they are. And that’s the most wonderful gift you can give anyone.

Confused closes by asking, Have we learned all we can from each other, and is it finally time to move on? The Council says we’ve given you the answer. We wish you so much fun on your journey. Take your focus off your disagreeing, your not having things in common, off the fighting and difficulty communicating. Take your focus and say, This is another spirit who’s agreed with me to come into this reality to create this situation. While we go through it we’re going to learn about each other.  Most importantly we’re going to learn about ourselves. Are we able to accept others if they’re not like us? Because your purpose in this life is to bring love into this reality.

Listen to the entire 11-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Confused and Scared and let us know what you feel about it. You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.

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December 6, 2021 - Posted by Cynthia & Bob | Acceptance, Agreement, Audio Content, Channeling, Choice, Helping Others, Love, Marriage, Other Lifetimes, Pre-Incarnation Planning, Questions & Answers, Relationships, Spirit | Allow, Divorce, Growth, Happiness, Separation