Finding Clarity in Unplanned Pregnancies
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named L.
L: Hello again, Bob & Cynthia. You were kind enough to ask for clarity for me a couple of years ago when I became pregnant unexpectedly. It was a tough time, and I lost the baby at the end of the first trimester. I could not go through with a termination, and offered to the spirit [of the fetus] that I would leave it to them to stay with me, or go. Our world was a little rocky, and the babe left.
I now find myself unexpectedly pregnant again at 42 years old. Again, my husband is not happy. I am shocked, but less so than before. Our relationship was already in conflict, and this is pushing the limits of mutual disrespect and fighting. I don’t feel as rejected as my last pregnancy with him, but I definitely don’t feel embraced.
I would love some clarity from The Council regarding this pregnancy and the way forward. Part of me hoped that we could make this pregnancy work, and bring us closer together, and [create] more harmony, but it has not. At 10 weeks pregnant, we can barely be civil to each other.
Council: We find that many people in your reality have the thought that bringing a new soul into this existence will solve one or many of these problems. Part of why this happens is to show you that nothing will change until you look at yourself, and what you are part of in this relationship, and why there is so much turmoil.
And so we ask you, what work have you done to look at this relationship? We’re sure that [with] what you’ve created in your reality, you are not all of a sudden aware that, “Oh, we’re having problems in this marriage, and whoops, we’re pregnant.” We feel that there have been things that needed to be looked at and talked about, which would change the relationship. And so, when there is another child, you are in a much better place.
And so we would say, it is your responsibility as a parent to try, always to try, to give your children a loving atmosphere. Love is #1. To give them education. To give them good character. And so, in your relationship, as it is, do you see this as possible?
And so then, when you decide if it’s possible or not, and things are always possible, but both parties must work on this. If it is possible, then you begin to behave, handle, and solve things differently. If it is not possible, then it is your place to decide: Do I bring this child into this atmosphere? Or wanting the child, [do I] change the atmosphere, leave the relationship, or get spiritual or mental help? Whatever you feel is needed that will take you through the steps in a healthy relationship.
And so we ask you, before you make a decision on what to do, really spend a lot of time on whether you want this child. If you don’t want this child, if you want this relationship to work, you really, really work on it, and not just be angry with each other.
L: I’m not in a position to be a single mother of three; however, I’m so sad at what our relationship has become for myself and our children.
Council: And so we ask here, you’re saying a mother of three. So you already have two children in this relationship. It just didn’t automatically happen. You have both created this so you can work on it and learn from it, learn about yourselves, and learn how to care for other people – your children.
One of the lessons in this is, there are already children involved. Now you wanted to learn [about] your responsibility, and how much you want to give them. And how much you want them to experience and learn in this relationship, so that when they go forward, and they are older, they would make choices, and they would have memories of what has gone on now.
So because it has been going on for such a long time, two children are already in this relationship that is unsettled, and now there may be a third. Again we ask you – you brought this in – the lesson was to learn about yourself and how to care for, not only the children, but each other. It is a lesson from other lifetimes, and it’s about caring.
And so we ask you to take your time, and to go into this, and truly do the work.
L: I’m looking for the light, as I feel at times so lost being pregnant at my age, and in an unhappy marriage with two young children.
Council: So again, because the lesson here was how you treat others, imagine how your children are feeling in this unhealthy situation. Do you want to change it for them? Or do you simply want to walk away and still change it for them, and then make it better for them on your own? Those are your choices. Or you continue as it is until you realize what must be done.
L: Any guidance would be appreciated. I wish for a happy, peaceful life with my family, and good health. Thank you, L.
Council: And so we would say at this point, sit down with yourself, with your thoughts, and say, “What is necessary to change this? What can I do on my end to make this better?” And concentrate on yourself. If you begin to work on yourself, your husband must do the same. He will see the choices you are making. He will see how you are responding. And so it would be the little domino effect. And then you will work on yourself, your husband will work on himself, and the children will see how different the relationship can be. You can change any situation you are in. And how to always use love as the answer, and treat each other with kindness.
And who knows? Maybe tonight you’ll dream of us. And of course, we have to add, you can see us every night, you can talk to us every night, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to remember. But what we teach you, what you need to know is within you, and when you need that information, you will remember.
Listen to the entire 9-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for L and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.
You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages, and we’ll publish an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready.
If you prefer to have a private half-hour telephone conversation with The Council, you can pay us $60 through PayPal by clicking on this link. When we receive your payment, we’ll email you to arrange a mutually convenient day and time for your phone call and questions.
And lastly, if you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know.
Dealing With Wife’s Infidelity, Career Search, And Money Problems
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Roy.
Roy: Hello, Bob and Cynthia. Thank you for your wonderful platform. My questions center around three areas of my life where I’ve struggled the most. In my marriage I struggle with letting go of past wounds, as my partner had an affair several years ago, yet recently I’m obsessing over it and feeling very guarded.
Council: So you are suffering from the situation that happened to you. What have you done to let it go? Can you let it go?
If you are with this person and you constantly have the thoughts that: 1) there is no trust there, 2) you can’t make this work, and 3) it is uncomfortable, it’s very hard to turn it around.
But if you say, “Well, you know we both came here, we’re spirits, we wanted to be together. So the first thing as spirits, we have to find the love.” Show each other love, and do things that will bring happiness back into the relationship.
It is not so much thinking, “I’ve got to let it go,” because there’s hurt in those thoughts. But when you think, “We’ve planned this. We came together. We love each other. We want this to work,” that’s what changes what happens. And so, you have to want to bring joy, and trust, and love back into the relationship.
And, of course, communication is the first form of getting this (as we would say) out on the table, and discussing what can be done to bring the love that is there, and it is still there. How do you bring it forward?
Roy: I also struggle with finding a career path that I would find fulfilling.
Council: So what kind of desire do you have? What kind of joy do you have when you think of working? Even if you have an image of becoming a millionaire, how did you do it? What do you see yourself doing? It’s always important to play with you’re imagination and pay attention to what it feels like.
When you come into this reality, you always bring with you many, many gifts from other lifetimes. Well what is it? What brings you joy? Do you like to read? Do you like to draw? Do you like to be around people? Do you like to help people who have problems, or who are sick? Look and see what is of interest to you. Do you want to be around animals? Do you want to be outside? Do you want a job where you travel?
No one can give you that answer. You can’t sit back and say, “Tell me what I can do.” There are many, many things you can do, but now play with it. Do the work, and you will be surprised how fast this changes if you are intent on doing the work. You can do it. You can find it. It is already within you. Reach out for it. Be open to it being anything at all, but you will know because you will be happy doing it.
Roy: And I have financial problems that cause challenges in all areas of my life.
Council: And so we would say, as you tell us what is going on in your life, we would like to explain to you that energy is energy. It doesn’t always hit one area of your life. If you find yourself in (the word people use) a funk, it’s everywhere in your life. It will hit your finances, it will hit your relationships, and eventually it will hit your health. So right now, instead of putting pressure on yourself to feel better, to have a better relationship, to find a better job, work on yourself. How do I find a way to feel happy about anything? And by anything we say, are you happy walking down the street when you see babies playing together? Are you happy when you see a cute dog walking on a leash? Are you happy to look in store windows? Find the little things first. That is your challenge right now, because it is in every area of your life where things are not moving.
Find things to be grateful for and acknowledge them. Even if you were to find a penny on the street, laugh, acknowledge, “Okay, here’s some money.” Whatever it is, try to find the happiness in it. When you do that, you will find more and more things to be grateful for, and you will start feeling better, and you will find the right kind of job, and your relationship will improve. Find the gratitude. There is too much around you, and you have reason to feel this way. But now you know you are a spirit. You have the power to change your life by your choices, by how you think of things. And so we suggest you go on that path.
Roy: Any insights would be greatly appreciated. I feel I have been repeating patterns, and I am unable to move past this stage in my life.
Council: The pattern can be changed, but only you can do it. And you can do it. We see that.
And so we send you love, and all the joy that you can find in your lives. Create, create. create/
Listen to the entire 7-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Roy and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it.
You can also ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages, and we’ll publish an audio recording of their response as soon as it’s ready.
If you prefer to have a private half-hour telephone conversation with The Council, you can pay us $60 through PayPal by clicking on this link. When we receive your payment, we’ll email you to arrange a mutually convenient day and time for your phone call and questions.
And lastly, if you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know.
What’s Blocking My Having A Long-Term Relationship?
This post answers questions for The Council from an anonymous reader who’s looking for a long-term relationship.
Anon: I asked you about a long-term relationship in my future a while back and recently, after not focusing on relationships for a while, I tried to date again and met someone I thought had some potential. However, it’s been a very brief and confusing experience and they’ve decided to see someone else.
Council: So what have you found in this relationship that would bring you joy? What have you found that you can move on and find in another relationship? It’s always good to look for the experience and you’ll find in it things you want and things you don’t want.
And so we always say, before you look again, what have you learned? And what is the desire you want that you can create with the next person you bring into your reality?
Anon: I feel I understand the part I may have played in sabotaging things a bit, but I can also see that this person has baggage that makes us incompatible, at least for now.
Council: It’s good that you acknowledge this, but this baggage that you mention, it’s just experiences. It’s just beliefs the other person has, wanting to change or bring into their reality.
As a spirit you can notice, and you’ll only notice where you are, you can notice the differences or the baggage as something you’d like to go through with this person and also learn from. Or just help. Or you can be in another place where this is too much for me. I don’t want to be involved. There’s no right. There is no wrong. It’s just choices.
Anon: Is this just another short learning experience, or is there any further potential in this relationship?
Council: There is always potential. But what we like to put out there to everyone over and over again, you are the creator. If there’s potential and you want to stay in this relationship and see how you create it the way you want it to go, it’s because that is your focus and your heart’s desire. Your wanting will make it the way it will appear in your reality.
So yes, of course there’s the possibility of a relationship with this person. And there’s also the letting go if that’s what you wanted. Always know that you are the creator. What will you learn in the relationship? How will you bring love into this relationship?
Everyone has your so-called baggage. You have baggage. Where is it?
Always remember it’s your choice on the path you take. It’s not written in stone anywhere that you must do this because there’s this contract. There is no contract. There’s just spirits coming to help and say, “I’ll be there for you. I’ll go through this with you. Or I’ll pop in for a little while.”
The #1 example we’d give you is to look at this relationship. Is there enough for you to want to work through the baggage? Or is it too difficult for you? Make that decision and then go from there.
“Well it’s difficult, but I’d like to create it a little differently.”
“Well it’s too difficult. I need to get out of this situation and find somebody else where it’s easier.”
Well you can do this also.
“Oh, I’d like to have two or three partners at one time and just have fun.”
You can create that too. You are the creator.
Anon: At the least I do feel like this person could become a friend in my life and I’d like to help them on their journey, but I’m not completely sure.
Council: Well, you can jump in there for a little while. Show kindness. Be supportive. Show love. See what you receive back. And is this making you feel you’re closer to the true you? Are you closer to spirit?
Whatever decision you make, whatever direction you decide to go in, if you don’t like it, well the answer is simple. You change your mind and you start creating in another direction. It’s as simple as that.
Anon: What would be the most loving way for me to approach this connection?
Council: Be genuine. Love yourself. And in every situation try to remember this person is also a spirit that has agreed to be in your life, and wants you in their life for whatever reasons. Isn’t that wonderful? What a wonderful friendship. So take this relationship where you want.
Anon: Is there someone else coming into my life with whom I’d be able to build or co-create a long-term romantic relationship?
Council: It’s entirely up to you.
Anon: What’s blocking a long-term relationship from coming in?
Council: Just your focus. Find your desire. Focus on it and it will happen.
Listen to the entire 7-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for the anonymous reader and the rest of us and let us know what you feel about it. You can ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.
If you like this post, please do us a favor and click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.
Help Me With My 3-Year Relationship With A Lying Drug Addict
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Carovana.
Carovana: I’m in a 3-year relationship with a drug addict, but the real problem is that he constantly lies.
Council: What have you learned about this drug addict and his lying? How do you handle this? Are you trying to change this person? You can’t do that. Can you be more understanding? Yes, you can understand, but there’s a time when you need to just watch this person and let them be who they are and then decide what you’ll do with this knowledge.
Carovana: He wants to appear different from what he really is, what he really does, and what he thinks. He twists facts and reality for his own benefit, and no matter how smart I am, he continues to try and deceive me.
Council: Are you tiring yourself out by trying to show this person you’re really smart and you know what he’s doing? We’d suggest you just let this person be, and then decide if you want to be around him. That’s all. You won’t change this person.
Carovana: I developed panic attacks due to the frequent state of restlessness and anxiety in which I’m thrown by his behavior, and we constantly fight. He doesn’t act this way solely to cover his drug abuse. His game spreads much wider and deeper. He’s also obscenely incoherent. His words go South and his actions go North.
Council: You can stay with this man if you can understand how he is and not believe what he says. Offer love and understanding. But to be in the relationship and saying to yourself, “I must show him that I know what’s going on, I must show him that I’m smart,” that’s not the purpose of this relationship.
The purpose of this relationship is to allow someone to be. It’s for you to allow others, and not just this person, but look at the years when you were growing up with your friends and family. Did you allow them just to be and then learn from it? And did this allow you to be just as you want to be, being in a place of love and peacefulness? Can you do that for yourself?
This was your mission, so to speak, in your current lifetime. Just to accept everyone and what they’re doing, and sending love and light to them to help them grow. But not to forcefully try to show them, “I know what you’re doing. You can’t fool me,” and tire yourself out. It’s just the purpose of being there, and most of all, just being yourself. That’s what this relationship is supposed to teach you.
When you see that someone is really one way and pretending to be another, do you do that? Do you do that to please people and to have them think of you differently? It’s a mirror effect. And so we say, just allow.
Carovana: The reason I stayed in this relationship so long is that another side of him, very prominent, is that he’s incredibly loving and sweet. He chose me as the woman of his life, tells me I’m the woman of his dreams, and is extremely attached and devoted to me. It’s almost morbid. This makes it really difficult to break up with him and in fact, all my attempts have failed. I’m also in a very lonely phase of my life so I lack the social support and the favorable environment that would make it easier to move on.
I can’t explain or comprehend this duality in him. He lost his mother when he was nine years old, but it’s not a good excuse to act this way now that he’s 36 years old. I hope The Council can shed some light on him, on us, and on me. I’d be very thankful.
Council: There are lessons for this man to learn, starting with his childhood and moving into adulthood. Not feeling safe enough for him to be who he really wants to be, he doesn’t know how, the role model wasn’t there, and the understanding of just being wasn’t there. Instead he chose to pretend because there’s no acceptance of himself.
With you there, if you can accept this man the way he is, you are the role model. You’re the role model by setting your boundaries, by not believing everything that’s said, but by understanding that everything that’s said is out of fear and nonacceptance of yourself. Once you can do that and not knock yourself out to understand it or change this person, it will change, because now you’re looking at it differently. And when you look at something differently, it will change.
See the relationship the way you want it to be. First concentrate on yourself. Accept yourself, and then look around you, and not at just this person, but others that come in and out of your life. And when you learn you have choices, you have the ability to bring into your life what you want. When you focus on that, it must happen.
Listen to the entire 7-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Carovana and the rest of us, and let us know what you feel about it. You can ask The Council your own question by typing it into one of the Comment boxes that appear at the bottom of most of our blog pages.
If you like this post, please click the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know Thanks.
What is this Loving Relationship Trying to Teach Us?
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Hornetto, who asks a question about a loving relationship that’s mutual in one deep sense, but not in another and he doesn’t know how to define this love. He says this relationship is a soul contract and he wonders what it has to teach the two of them.
The Council says when some people talk about a soul contract they think this is the person for the rest of my life. A soul contract can just be someone you meet, even if just for a little while, that comes into your life, you experience things together, you help each other through different experiences, and then the two of you move on to other relationships and other soul contracts. Some people create many different loves in their life and The Council says they are all soul contracts.
The Council says they see the relationship Hornetto is asking about is for a time. He’s not meant to be in this relationship for his entire lifetime. You’re there to help each other, challenge each other, bring up lessons for each other, and move within those lessons to find understanding. And when you don’t understand you begin to question yourself and you no longer need that person to help you heal or work through your lesson. This person came along to be a catalyst for you to face what you want to heal and to know you can do it yourself.
The Council asks Hornetto what he’s learned from this relationship. What are the up parts and the down parts? How does this relationship make you feel? What does it remind you of? What lessons can be in this relationship? When you part you can still work on these lessons.
Hornetto asks The Council how he can make the best choices for both himself and his partner and The Council says it’s not your place to make choices for another person. Go within your heart and choose for yourself. It’s not your place to force something to happen, but to just flow with the situation. The whole time you’re in this relationship be grateful for it and what it’s there to teach you. Be grateful you’re both there to help each other try to heal.
The Council repeats that this relationship was planned in spirit to be for a limited time. They say this can change, but for this change to occur Hornetto must work on the lessons the relationship is teaching him. When you learn to heal yourself the relationship will have a better way of healing and if you both want to stay together you’ll then be able to.
The Council closes by saying these two people are together to bring up the lessons they need, but begin with the lesson of abandonment and you’ll figure out the rest of your lessons in time.
Listen to the entire 5-minute audio recording of our session with The Council (below) to hear all their guidance for Hornetto and the rest of us and let us know what you feel about it, or ask your own question.
If you like this post please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.
Is Sensitivity to Showing My Skin Related to a Past Life?
This post answers questions for The Council from a reader named, Eden, who says she’s quite self-conscious about showing her skin in public even though there’s nothing wrong with her skin. She asks if this is issue connected to a past life, and what she can do to work through it and heal it?
The Council says they see two past lives related to Eden’s difficulty exposing her skin. One life wasn’t too long ago where she was Amish and had to cover her skin. Eden never liked this and wanted a life where she was free from these restrictions and could dress differently.
There was also a life in the 1500s where you were part of a very large family with a mother and father who thought they were very religious and had many rules. In this lifetime one of the rules was that you couldn’t show your skin. These people believed the body was shameful and had to be covered.
The cell memories of these two past lives bring the fear you need to be covered up and the fear you can’t change your life, but these past lives are why you’ve come into your current lifetime. You can very slowly change this pattern. You have the freedom to wear shorter skirts and shirts with short sleeves.
One day you can go out without socks on. Go out with something where you can roll up your sleeves. It may be nerve-racking at first. You may not understand your fears and you may not think these things are helping, but you wanted the freedom to experience this fear again in your current lifetime and realize you have choices and you can change this pattern. Maybe start by just walking around your house or apartment with clothes that give more exposure to your skin and see how that feels. Then gradually you can work you way up to going outside and see how that feels.
As you get over the fear of exposing your skin you’ll have the freedom to enjoy the heat because you can dress the way you want.
Listen to the entire 5-minute audio recording of our session with The Council to hear all their guidance for Eden and the rest of us and let us know what you feel, or ask The Council your own question.
If you like this post, please consider clicking the LIKE button in the section following the recording to let us and other readers know. Thanks.
Making the Right Decision
How often do you make a decision and wonder if it was a good decision, or the right decision? Natalie writes that she recently made a life altering decision and she’d like The Council’s opinion on whether it will lead to a better, brighter future for her and her children. This post looks at The Council’s guidance for Natalie, which seems like good advice for anyone wondering if a decision is the ‘right’ decision.
“We feel there were many tiny little decisions made… and a life altering decision. Many believe that would be some huge decision that was made, but the tiniest decision you make can be life altering.
“But we would like to say here that she should relax, and enjoy, and live in the moment of her new decisions. We would like to stress that. “And so we believe that for a while this will be a very good move.
“Now we would also like to say (so that Natalie is not frightened when we say ‘for a while’) when you reach your goal or your dream, or have what you believe you wanted, and when you experience what you believe you wanted to experience… life would be very boring if that was it.
“There will always be a new desire, a new decision to make, a new path to travel on. And so while we see that her decisions were perfect for right now, she will have many experiences and then there will be more decisions.
“And so to try to say, ‘this is it…’ we would never say that. There is always more, and always more, and always more. And she will always have the guidance; if she pays attention and listens to the little voice, or the little gut instinct and the little bits of intuition she gets, she will constantly move forward.
“Movement on her part that was made right now, we see it as something she will enjoy.”
—The Council
Little Decisions Can Be Life Altering
Aside from The Council’s reassuring opinion that Natalie’s decision is a good one right now for her and her children, they make a few interesting points here that feel like good advice for almost anyone, starting with the idea that a little decision can be as life altering as a great big decision. If you want to change your life, it seems common to believe that really big decisions need to be made.
But The Council reminds you this isn’t the only way to change your life. It’s also possible tiny little decisions like following inspired hunches, instincts, and intuitions, can alter your life just as much as decisions that feels like really big ones.
Enjoy Living in the Moment of Your Decisions
The idea that it’s good to live in the moment has been around for a long time. Eckhart Tolle’s bestselling book, The Power of Now, has done a lot to popularize this idea in recent years. And an internet search for ‘live in the moment’ turns up lots of quotes from respected thinkers like Buddha, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thorough, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Benjamin Franklin, and Albert Einstein. But it wasn’t immediately obvious what The Council meant by their suggestion that Natalie live in the moment of her new decisions.
You Will Always Have Guidance
When The Council says Natalie will always have guidance, we believe this is a good reminder for all of us. When you’re open to the idea there’s a spiritual part of you that’s always available to offer you helpful guidance when you pay attention to that little voice, or gut instinct, or intuitions that come to you; this guidance will help you with all your decisions.
There Will Always Be More
When there’s uncertainty about a decision, particularly one that feels like it will alter your life in a significant way, once the decision is made it can be tempting to hold on to the decision rather than face the uncertainty of letting it go and making a new decision. But The Council reminds Natalie and the rest of us to be open to new life experiences that inspire new desires, new decisions, and new paths in your life. And by paying attention to the guidance available from the larger spiritual part of you, you can relax and enjoy the forward movement that comes from your new decisions.
You are the Creator of Your Experience
After reflecting on The Council’s comments for Natalie, it feels like their suggestion to live in the moment of her new decisions combines the general idea of living in the moment, with the idea there will always be more to experience and more to decide. And when you live in the moment of these new experiences and decisions, this is where your spiritual guidance is most accessible to the human part of you.
But more than that, from the point of view of The Council’s #2 teaching (which is that you are the creator of the reality you experience), when you live in the moment of your new decisions, every moment becomes an opportunity to create a new decision to focus your attention in ways that adds to your well-being. We believe that makes this very practical advice for all of us.
Let Us Know What You Think
Thank you for taking time to read this post. We hope you feel your time with it has been well spent. We’d love to know what you think of this material. Please consider leaving a comment in the Leave a Reply section below. If you have any questions for The Council about ideas mentioned in this post or other posts, the Leave a Reply section is the best place to submit those questions. For questions not related to a specific post we suggest you write them in the Leave a Reply section at the very bottom of the Welcome page. We will be notified by email and reply as soon as we can.

